62
What Turning 62 Has Taught Me About Health Today I turn 62. Somewhere along the way I assumed that by this age I’d be wiser calmer and maybe even more motivated. Like maybe one morning you wake up and suddenly it’s easy to do all …
Recent Posts
Ain’t A Lot of Boys Named Gary These Days…
Ain’t a lot of boys named Gary these days… Man it’s been a while since I’ve written. But today the pull is strong. I heard a new song. Gary by Stephen Wilson, Jr. Songs always pull the memories out of hiding… But grief has its …
Acceptance and Contentment
At what point to we become accepting and maybe even content?
As a victim of diet culture and body image issues for what seems like my whole life, I am leaning in to contentment.
All the cliche phrases come to mind about just fucking love yourself no matter what. But until you have walked in someone else’s shoes, you have no idea.
You can wonder all you want. You can ask yourself why don’t they just be okay with their body or their appearance or whatever is their actual hard thing? Only that person holds that answer.
We don’t know their perspective. We only see the outside. As a person who suffered from the body image thing and an eating disorder, I can say I relate. I still don’t know, but I can relate.
As I have traveled this earth for 60 years I am feeling more and more comfortable in this vessel that is called my body. It’s been a work in progress. And just like most people there are days that I might not like something about my body. And that’s normal. And that’s okay.
The sooner we realize that our bodies are okay no matter what and that our bodies are going to change over time and that it’s even okay to want to change our bodies, we just struck gold. Our body is not our wholeness. Our body is not our identity. There is so much more to each one of us than our outward appearance.
Our bodies change all the time. So many struggle with the expectation that they want to have a version of their former body self. What for? Start embracing the changes. Start really being grateful for this one body you get and learn to take care of it. Age in this amazing body you have.
I am still amazed at the resilience of our bodies. I abused my body with cigarettes and alcohol and binging and purging and still my body showed up for me.
My body gave birth to four babies. I gained a ton of weight and lost a ton of weight and still my body showed up for me.
I put my body through tough workouts and sometimes dumb workouts and still it shows up for me.
I feed my body well most of the time, and not so great some of the time, and still it shows up for me.
But the industry is going to try and tell you that your body is broken because you have some fat, because you have some jiggle, because you have some cellulite or because you have some fucking lines on your face or gray hair. Fuck that noise!
Congratulations you are normal. You are human.
Today, I had a minor surgery and am home just chilling, resting and reflecting. Today I am very grateful my body showed up for me.
In turn, I will keep showing up for it and for life so I can age well. I will keep showing up to stay strong and resilient. I will continue to be about it.
As I lie here on my bed, I am seeing the normal things on my body, the fat and the stretch marks that I have so often been embarrassed by.
I am grateful for a husband who strokes my stomach because he loves all of me and I don’t feel funny or self-conscious about it. He doesn’t care that my body has changed.
This picture of my stomach with the stretch marks and the legs with the bumps and dry skin….the industry would be trying to sell me a ton of creams and lotions and pills in order to “fix” my brokenness. No thanks. I’m not fucking broken.
Today I am grateful. It takes a long time to get to I love me. Today I feel that. Today, I feel content.
That is my stomach and my leg
Bloganuary – “What is the earliest memory you have?”
This prompt is a good one. When I was little we lived in Hurley, SD. We moved to Pierre when I started Kindergarten. I played with my cousins all the time. My earliest memory is when I was probably around 4. There was a giant …
Bloganuary – “How Are You Brave?”
Brave – Courageous, dauntless, perhaps a little bit daring, a person who is brave faces dangerous or difficult situations with courage.
Do it brave. That’s how I look at myself. Doing things that are uncomfortable.
Talking into my phone camera every morning, usually around 4:30am, telling internet land what I feel can help them. Brave? Oh yes. It’s not easy to keep going when you get comments from people who are complete jerks. I keep going. I keep pushing. Because to me, getting the message out is more important than the jerks. I’ve learned to let it roll off my back. I’ve learned to laugh about it. I’ve learned to move on.
That is how I am brave.
Bloganuary Prompt January 1 – “What is something you want to achieve this year?”
Taking part in the bloganuary writing prompts. A writing prompt every day during January. Today is “What is something you want to achieve this year?” I can take this one two ways. A business aspect and a physical/health aspect. Let’s start with the physical/health aspect. …
Nothing Looks As Good As Healthy Feels
Nothing looks as good as healthy feels. We want to believe that the outside matters more than the inside, but it doesn’t. You can’t judge that book cover, no matter how much you want to. You can’t know someone’s level of health just by looking …
14 Husky
What size do you wear?
Size 14 Husky.
I bought some camo pants the other day. I scored big time. I had been looking and not finding. I was in Walmart for what felt like every single day that week getting last minute things. I was getting ready to go to Austin and was trying to find things. When I say things, I mean shirts and shorts. I couldn’t find the kind of shorts I wanted and I was getting sick and tired of wandering around waiting for them to appear.
I had the bright idea to check out the kids section. Again, looking for shorts. I don’t often wear shorts, but it was going to be hot and humid in Austin. I couldn’t find any I really liked. I wanted specific. They only had generic. I thought to myself all the work I would have to do. You know the whole shaving the legs thing and the fake AF tan can, because casper legs – I was thinking of others. That’s a lot of prepping for me. That’s a little high maintenance for me. LOL.
So, back to the kids section score. I saw some camo pants. They looked decent. They looked like the kind I had been searching for. I liked them. The way I see if clothes are going to fit is by picking them up, holding them up, shutting one eye and sizing them up. Then I hold them to my body to see if it looks like they will fit. I despise trying things on at the store.
I wasn’t sure what size kids clothes went up to. I looked at the 14 and the 16. Maybe…then I spotted them. These would fit. They might even be a little big. But I will take big over stuffed sausage any day. I looked at the 14 and the other pair. I thought the 14s would work. I didn’t want tight so I grabbed them – the other pair – and performed the fit test. Okay! These were it. I could feel it. The ones, even if they were in the boys section.
14 Husky – Fuck Yeah! So, in boys clothes I am a 14 Husky. I feel okay with that — because kids section.
Now, if that was in the adult section, would I be upset? We are conditioned to think smaller is better. Instead of finding things that fit our bodies, we stress and we make ourselves feel like shit because we try and make our bodies fit into clothes. It perpetuates and we constantly focus on what size clothes we wear. It’s just like that number on the scale. We focus and we focus and we let it run our lives. Stop. It’s not that deep. It’s not that important. It’s just a number.
Take a load off. Take away the stress. Find clothes that fit your body. It doesn’t matter what size. If you feel comfortable in something don’t let the size make you feel less than. Find your fit and rock it. You are more important than the size of your clothes. Your clothing size and the number on the scale are the least interesting things about you.
14 Husky – Fuck Yeah.
Next time you are shopping and find yourself getting discouraged because you are trying to fit your body into that diet culture box, you know the one, the smaller is better box, ask yourself why you think that.
Does it make you less important?
Does it make you less worthy?
Does it make you less than?
No, no and no.
Find your fit – who cares what size it is.
Own it.
14 Husky.
Eating Disorder Awareness Week – 2022 – another chapter of my story.
This week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2022. I wasn’t going to write this, but something told me to. My story is out there. I didn’t know what else I could add to it. You aren’t alone. If you need to get help, reach out. …