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How my body looks does not define me as a person. It doesn’t define me as a wife, as a mom, or as a trainer…right now I’m in shape, but I’m not going to ever be perfect, and I’m actually okay with that.

We see it all the time in the media and in fitness magazines. Body image and how you should look. Why is it up to them to tell us how we should look? In other words how society thinks we should look. I think this is absolute bullshit. Why does anyone else have permission to comment on how they think someone should look? Or actually comments about it. I get that sometimes people are trying to compliment people. Okay. I don’t have a problem with that, but why is it usually if someone has lost weight or something like that and someone tells that person, “Wow! You look great.” Does that mean the person looked like crap before? See my point. I realize this can be a pretty touchy subject and it will make you question everything you say to anyone. Not trying to be an asshole here. Just want people to become more aware of what comes out of their mouths and how it can affect someone. Because, even if someone has lost a lot of weight, they still might not be in a great head space to listen to some of the things people say to them. It takes A LOT of work to get through that stuff.

It seems like if someone is overweight, the perception is that they are lazy. I think this is far from the truth. How do we know what is going on in their life? How do we know how they sleep? How do we know how much stress they have going on? How do we know anything about that person? What if that person works out every day?What if that person eats healthy? And OMG, what if that person likes they way they are at this chapter of their life? Just because someone isn’t the normal considered by society, it doesn’t mean they want to be that. Guess what? We can like ourselves just the way we are.

The opposite can also be true. If someone is “skinny,” society’s version of skinny, then we think they are perfect. I also think that is far from the truth. How do we know what is going on with that person? Maybe she has an eating disorder because she has so much pressure to be “skinny.” Also, we don’t know her story. What if she eats like crap? What if she gets no sleep? And OMG, what if she is trying to gain weight?

We just don’t know what chapter anyone is on in their life. We don’t get to judge. It really is none of our business.

One time I was walking out of my office and there were some guys working on the building. One of them came running up to me, which I thought was strange to begin with. Once he opened his mouth, I couldn’t believe what was coming out of it. I thought for sure he was just going to ask me about the building or something like that. Instead, I got this: “Don’t take this the wrong way, but how much can you deadlift?”
(By the way, starting with, don’t take this the wrong way, is a sure bet that it is going to be taken the “wrong” way. I find it incredibly funny when people say it. I think we mean well, but it seems that almost always, it doesn’t go over well.)

Seriously! You want to know how much I can deadlift? It kind of stunned me for a second. I could tell he wasn’t trying to be a dick or a smart ass or anything. But, it just threw me that he felt the need to comment on my appearance. Even though I like my muscles, it doesn’t give someone else the right to comment. It’s my body. It’s my choice on how I make it look. I did answer him though. I told him 185. At that time I was going through a deadlift and pressing program. Apparently my hard work showed. But still…my point is words are an amazing thing. On one hand they can do a lot of good, but on the other they can really hurt someone.

At that chapter in my life, I didn’t have my shit together. I wasn’t perfectly fine with my appearance and my fitness and nutrition journey. I thought a lot about his words. I started to play that damn head game. You know the one, you start that negative talk to yourself, “Wow, you must look fat and huge.” So, then the game goes further, you start second guessing everything you have been doing. You let it mind fuck you into thinking you are too big, or too fat or you should hit the next Weight Watcher’s meeting, stat!

Words say a lot.

In my line of business it isn’t all about how someone looks. It is also about how they feel, how much energy they have, how much sleep they get, how much stress is going on in their life. It can’t be just one thing. It just can’t. Fitness and health mean a lot of different things and focusing only on how someone looks doesn’t even begin to cover it. Ever.

Not everyone who comes to me wants to lose weight. Most people want to get healthy.

I have learned a lot over my years of training. I am still learning every single day. It really is amazing to see women’s, and men’s perceptions of their own bodies. It is actually pretty sad sometimes how we have been brainwashed to believe we are supposed to be skinny and men are supposed to be giant. Screw that! I want women and men to be comfortable in their own skin. I want them to feel healthy. I want them to feel empowered. We all weren’t meant to look the same. We are all different. Let’s own how we look. We have the power to change if we don’t like it. That’s the beauty of our journeys. We can constantly evolve. With our own permission.

If you have any comments or thoughts, I would love to hear from you.

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