Eye in the mirror. The one that sees all the flaws, all the fat, all the fear.

Is it your eye? Do you look in the mirror and see flaws? Do you look in the mirror and see fat? What about fear? Is it in your eyes?

As I was sitting at the orthodontist’s office today during Tayler’s appointment, there was a little boy sitting in the chair near me. He was probably about 8. He wasn’t right beside me, but another chair over and beside him on his right was his mom. It was silent for a minute and I heard her say, “I love you.” He responded, “I love you too.” So sweet. It made me tear up and think of my own boys when they were little. Such unconditional love. Unspoiled love.

Such unconditional love before we are told not to love ourselves unconditionally. Such unconditional love before things get spoiled. Before we are told that there are conditions. Before we are told that fat is ugly. Before we are told to see every single flaw with our appearance. Whatever happened to unconditional love with ourselves? Why do we find the worst things we can about ourselves and then hone in on that and focus on that and let that occupy our thoughts? Does that eye in the mirror reflect back at you and tell you that you are fat? Does it tell you that you are ugly? Does it look back at you with fear?

Let’s take it a little bit further. Do you have daughters? Do you have sons? Do your kids know what you think about those perceived flaws. Do you ever say out loud in front of your kids that you are fat? Do you ever put yourself down in front of your kids?

Because of my issues with body image and issues with food, I have made it a point to never say anything negative about my body in front of Tayler. I don’t want her to become obsessed with food or obsessed with some cellulite on her legs or obsessed with anything else about her appearance. I want her to be comfortable, no matter what she looks like. I don’t want to teach her that anything other than “Barbie” appearance is ugly. That is society talking.

If our kids are seeing us do these things and if they see us treating ourselves negatively and with self-hate, they are going to do the same thing. If we are constantly showing our kids that we hate our bodies by constantly being on a “diet,” how do we think they are going to start looking at themselves? They are going to start obsessing over their weight, over their looks and over everything about their appearance. We need to teach our kids to love themselves unconditionally. Our kids notice and hear way more than we think they do. It’s time we gave them some positive things to hone in on. Teach them to respect their bodies and themselves.

Next time that eye in the mirror is looking for flaws, think about how lucky you are to have a body that has a purpose. A body that can walk and run and breathe and function. Our bodies do a lot for us. Focus on the good. Let’s start loving ourselves unconditionally and teach our daughters (and sons) to do the same.

When it comes to nutrition and fitness, and even life, there is no straight line. Let’s say you wanted to lose ten pounds or you have some other goal. It doesn’t have to be about weight. It can be about anything. If you thought you would get from point A to point B in a straight line, I bet you figured out within a month that it doesn’t work that way. Try from point A, to A.1, to A.50 to A.100 back to A.25, throw in some zig-zags and then maybe to point B. There is nothing that is easy. It may be simple, but never easy. If anyone tells you it was easy, don’t believe them.

So, here you are, you’re rocking along for a few weeks thinking, man this is so easy. How can anyone complain about how hard this is? I don’t get it. What the hell is wrong with people? Then all of a sudden, BOOM, life shows up. You were feeling super cocky and then got blasted in the face by that thing we call life. It may have been a wedding (you drank your face off). Because celebrate. It may have been a graduation (you ate all the cake). Because you don’t want to feel left out. It may have a been a life-changing event; a kick in the stomach one, like someone dying. Helllloooooo fast food. Helllloooooo crap food. Helllloooooo no workouts for weeks. Because feeling sorry for yourself. Duh.

Is that really the way you want to handle it? Do you really want to go down that road? Let’s face it. Life is messy. It really is not that pretty sometimes. It can be downright ugly. We all struggle. We all go through hard times. The thing is, we need to unpack this stuff and try to put those pieces into some kind of order and try to figure out why we handle things the way we do. What are we trying to mask? What do we not want to deal with? What are we trying to hide? If we handle a wedding or a graduation with all the booze and all the cake, are we going to go completely overboard when we have that life-changing event, as I mentioned above? You know, a someone dying situation or a kick in the gut situation. Until we come to terms with this messy stuff, we are never going to change. Until we figure out those triggers, we will always be stuck. Sure you can change for a little bit, but most of the time you go right back to the old ways, the old habits, the old you. Until we deal with the messy and the ugly and the dirty of our situations and face them head on, we aren’t changing. Sorry to break it to you. It’s true though.

How are you going to handle those situations? Are you going to be crushed and go right back to crappy eating and missing workouts? I hope not. You have worked your butt off, literally, to see results and be a healthier version of your old self. Don’t just throw it away.

Face it head on. Wallow around in it for a while. Thrash, stagger and stumble until you figure it out and then get back to YOUR real life. Be a boss. Don’t let the distractions derail you. It’s a cop out. It’s an excuse. It gets you nowhere and nowhere super fast at that. When we deal with problems head on, we feel such a sense of relief. Beat that dead horse and figure out what makes you tick.