Ebb and Flow
As I was sitting down to write today’s blog, I was having a hard time thinking of something to write about. Sometimes, it just isn’t there. Most of the time it is. Today it wasn’t. I started to reflect on 2017, so I decided to …
Author: peggielarsen
The Favorite Christmas Ornament
The favorite Christmas ornament. There is always one. There is. It’s the favorite Christmas ornament. The one that means the most to you. The one that brings back all the memories of the person who gave it to you. The one that is sentimental, special …
It was a life day…
Last week I was on the road early. It was Friday. December. I was out of town by 7 a.m. It’s interesting when I travel I am constantly scouring the prairie for deer and other wildlife. If I am out of town before sunrise, I cannot wait to see what the sunrise is going to look like. When I head west, I can check it in my rearview mirror and then once I turn the corner from Hayes, toward Midland, I catch it to my left. On this day, it was absolutely beautiful. The colors were amazing. Different shades of many colors. There were deep oranges, and pretty pinks, blues and whites. It was so energetic, colorful and vibrant. It was so peaceful and alive. I was pretty much the only car on the road at that time. I like it like that. I like to drive alone and experience the beauty of nature.
The highlight of the trip west was the sunrise. On the way back was a different story. I have never seen so many captivating and mesmerizing things in such a short period of time. This all happened in less than ten minutes. It was strange, and goosebumpy, and weird, and meaningful. I believe it meant something. I believe it was a message to me. I believe in the symbolism of things. I believe things happen for a reason. I just do.
As I was driving and listening to a podcast about releasing negative energy, I glanced to the right. Something caught by eye. I looked over and swooping towards my car was an amazingly beautiful bald eagle. It flew right up over the top of the car. It was so majestic. It was huge. It was beautiful. I thought, holy crap!
About 20 seconds later to the left was a giant hawk, just hanging out, suspended in the air. I’m not sure what species of hawk it was. Hawks are super prevalent around here. He was really pretty and big. He had so many colors, whites, grays and brown.
Then a few minutes later I could see something on the left again, I looked over to see a deer carcass. The ribs were exposed and red. Standing right on the ribs was a giant golden eagle. Having lunch, no doubt. I have never in my life seen something like that. I looked up pictures of this. Holy crap. If you are at all squeamish do not, I repeat do not, google golden eagle eating deer. I’m serious.
All the while I am driving I can’t stop thinking about these weird sightings. Coincidence? I don’t know. Messages? I think so.
I couldn’t stop thinking. I made the turn to Hayes and back to Pierre. I was driving for a few more minutes and noticed something on the side of the road up ahead. It was white. I figured some jerk had thrown out a garbage bag. When I got closer, just sitting there, all white and fuzzy was a snowy owl. So amazing looking. So pretty. I have never seen one. I wanted to do a u-turn right on the highway and go back and try to get a picture of it. When I saw it, I said out loud, “Oh My God!” I can’t even describe how cool it was. I thought about it the rest of the way home.
When I got home, I wanted to find out the meaning of seeing these things. I researched for quite a while. I found some interesting symbolisms. I will go in the order I saw the birds.
First off, the Bald Eagle—When the eagle appears, you are on notice to be courageous and stretch your limits. Reach higher and become more than you believe you are capable of. Be patient with the present. To know that the future holds possibilities you may not yet be able to see and that you are about to take flight.
The Hawk is next—The hawk puts you on notice that even the most ordinary circumstances could have deeper meanings. Because of the hawk having the sharpest eyesight of all the raptors, it signifies that you should pause and pay attention to everything.
The Golden Eagle – When the eagle appears to you it is a sign of an end and a new beginning, not necessarily means that someone will die. It can be a form of saying so long to the old phase of your life and starting anew. You have the ability to triumph over tough challenges in life. You see these hardships as a chance to grow and emerge a better person. Conserve resources and work smarter, not harder.
Snowy Owl – The owl is synonymous with the gift of higher knowledge and insight. The owl is also a symbol for wisdom. Where others are deceived, the owl sees and knows. The owl is also a guide to uncover your hidden potential and abilities. Focus on your creative energy. Seeing the big picture and the power of silence.
So, super interesting. Every single description of these amazing creatures means something to me. I can see myself in it all. It all pertains to what I have been experiencing in my life. It was a good day. It was an educational day. It was a life day.
Holiday Hard
Today is National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day, also referred to as Pearl Harbor Day, December 7th. This day is observed annually in the United States to remember and honor the 2,403 citizens of the United States who were killed in the Japanese surprise attack on …
you can’t see what those shades of gray keep covered
This week I was trying to think of something to write about. Most times, things are just right there. This week was a little bit different for some reason. My thoughts have not been clear. They have been super jumbled together and fuzzy. I have …
Christmas Tree – 2017
Every year around this time we get the Christmas tree. Every year around this time we wonder why it is so big. Every year around this time we struggle getting it into the house. Today was no different. Today is Sunday, December 3, 2017. This is kind of early for our tree. It seems like we procrastinate and are lucky if we get one a week and a half before Christmas. Apparently, we are on the ball this year. In years past, we have had ridiculously tall trees. I guess 12 feet sounded short to John.
The tree had been hanging around outside for the past few days. You know, just chilling and dropping branches. John went and picked it out himself. He was excited, as it was a 12 foot tree. Shorter than last year. It’s funny how at the tree shopping place they all look so short. Until you get it in the house.
John said he cut at least a foot off the top and about a foot off the bottom too. I can’t imagine what it would have looked like if he hadn’t. The tree is beautiful, and heavy, and wide. Did I mention it is heavy?
I heard the doorbell ring and the dogs of course went crazy, barking and running to the door. I opened it and it was John. He told me he needed me to help with the tree. Oh fun, I thought. That’s not really what I thought, but I’ll leave it at that. The tree was at the bottom of the steps already in the stand. Our steps consist of 4 or 5 steps, a landing and 3 or 4 more steps. We don’t use the front door a lot, so I don’t know exactly how many steps are in each section. I was looking at the tree from the top of the steps. It looked big, and heavy.
John picked it up to move it and it tipped over and he just about fell trying not to fall. Of course I laughed. He started swearing. He got the tree back up and told me I would have to help him carry it in. The tree is big, and heavy.
He was complaining how he couldn’t really step up the steps with the tree because of his legs. In the past he had injured both legs and ankles. Not to mention the fact he is getting old. His words, not mine. So, I was summoned to help. He was going to hold the bottom and I was to hold the top part and we would bring it in. I grabbed my end and we started lifting it and I started to trip backwards up the steps because it’s hard to walk up the steps backwards whilst holding onto something, as the something you are holding onto gets lower the higher you go. We were almost to the top and then John realized we can’t take the tree in top first because it won’t fit in the door that way. If we did it that way, we would have stripped the branches and had a Charlie Brown tree. Joy.
So we have to turn it around and start over. Now I am at the bottom of the steps and John is on the landing. We picked it up and started hauling. It is really heavy and awkward. The further we got in the door, the more the tree is coming down on my head. At least it is fresh and the needles don’t feel like real needles, like they do at the end of Christmas. We survived the steps. The tree is in the house. We get it standing up and we are laughing so hard because my hair is completely flattened on my head by the tree and I can’t even see because my hair is completely covering my eyes.
But guess what? We still need to get it on the plastic bag that it will go into at the end of Christmas. That means we get to lift it again and place it on the bag, in the center of the bag. John showed me where he wanted it to be. He said he would lift it and I could tell him where to put it. Yeah, you probably know what I’m thinking. Haha.
Here we go again. John lifted the tree up and started moving it back towards the plastic bag to the landing spot where he wanted it. I told him to keep going. Again, keep going. Then it was, okay, stop. He set it down and now I was trapped behind the tree against the wall. I had to squat down and crawl out underneath the tree. I am sure it was quite a sight watching us bringing in the tree and placing it. Of course, Tayler was nowhere to be found to help us. Typical teenager, when you need help, they disappear.
Every year around this time, we get the Christmas tree. Every year the tree is too big. Every year we say we are getting a smaller tree next year. Today was no different. Every year we laugh at each other when we are getting the tree in the house. I am so grateful that after almost 20 years of marriage, we can still laugh with each other and have fun.
Now, just like every year before, we will try to remember what color lights we put on the tree last year. We change the lights every year and we struggle to remember the color, every year.
The tree is beautiful, and heavy.
30 minutes with “The Chestee” sports bra
It was Friday. It was the first day of December. The now. I was planning on going to the play Calendar Girls with a couple of girlfriends, after dinner and drinks. We wanted to support a friend of ours who was in the play. My …
Life is fragile – live accordingly
When my dad died in 2000, it came as a total shock to us. He seemed totally fine and then he was gone. He had major health problems before that, quadruple bypass surgery at 48, and double bypass again at 58. They say it …
hey fat ass
Hey, fat ass!
My in-my-own-head voice would look around to see who was talking. My in-my-own-head voice would berate me for being a fat ass. My in-my-own-head voice would call me that all the time. My in-my-own-head voice was an asshole.
If you have read my blog posts at all, you know I had some giant issues with body image and disordered eating. Some days I still struggle. I remember so many times feeling so much despair because I didn’t look the way I thought I should look. I didn’t look the way other people thought I should look. Giving a shit about what other people think of me kept me small. It kept me from having any confidence. It kept me from having any positive self-esteem. My self-worth was super low at that time.
I remember weighing myself every.single.day. I remember feeling so frustrated every.single.day. I remember feeling depressed every.single.day. I let the scale define me. I let the scale tell me what kind of mood I should be in every day. I let it control me. I let it.
I remember trying to camouflage my perceived fatness. I would use patterns that made me appear less fat. You know, the vertical stripes, never horizontal stripes. Black, because slimming. Baggy clothes because I thought they would make it look like I was losing weight or that I had lost weight. If the jeans felt big, I felt small. Hoodies, because they hid a lot. Ummmm, okay.
I never wanted to undress in front of anyone in gym class. Never. I always admired the ones who could just throw it off and not give a shit. I wanted to be like that. I wanted to feel okay about it. I wanted to feel comfortable. I wanted to.
Body image issues were pretty prevalent when I was in junior high and high school. I remember a friend in gymnastics who was anorexic. Her knees practically knocked together and the hair on her arms stood straight up. I bet she weighed 80 pounds and she still saw herself as fat. Another girl sat in class and would feel the side of her butt and thigh, feeling for the fat because she thought she was fat. So many others struggled with feeling like a fat ass. The pain of the fat ass syndrome – like stepping on legos.
Obviously, something triggered this blog post. I have been thinking about it and trying to figure out what it was. I have been struggling with pull-ups lately and have been working hard for the past 7 weeks and still haven’t gotten one. It has been extremely frustrating. I think the in-my-own-head voice is trying to convince me that it’s because I’m a fat ass. I broke my golden rule and have been weighing myself. That’s the first problem. The scale is a bitch and I’m not liking what she is saying. I’m not liking that number. My in-my-own-head voice is trying to creep back in and tell me how I should be thinking and feeling. It’s trying to.
I have been extremely frustrated with my progress. I have been extremely frustrated with my workouts. I need to pull myself up out of this hole (get it, pull up) and keep fighting. Not even the in-my-own-head-voice gets to tell me what I should weigh or how I should look. It does not get permission to do that. The inside-my-own-head voice is being a bully right now and I’m not going to continue to listen to it. I won’t.
The negative energy is being cleansed. I know when those negative thoughts start creeping back in to the in-my-own-head voice, it’s time to change my attitude and quit being so hard on myself. We all struggle. We all have things that are hard for us. I know when I finally get that pull-up, I will be grateful for the struggle. It has definitely made me stronger and more grateful.
Looking back at that those chapters of junior high and high school, I am grateful I had those struggles. The struggles and the inside-my-own-head voice have given me a unique perspective of which to get inside other people’s heads and try to change their in-my-own-head voices, so they can stop saying to themselves, “Hey fat ass!”
i believe life is a surprise
I watched an interview with Art Garfunkel last Sunday on that Sunday morning show. I don’t know what it’s called even. Probably just Sunday Morning. I looked it up, CBS Sunday Morning. I was close. The interview was really interesting, as he talked about his …