live your life with purpose
The favorite Christmas ornament. There is always one. There is. It’s the favorite Christmas ornament. The one that means the most to you. The one that brings back all the memories of the person who gave it to you. The one that is sentimental, special …
Last week I was on the road early. It was Friday. December. I was out of town by 7 a.m. It’s interesting when I travel I am constantly scouring the prairie for deer and other wildlife. If I am out of town before sunrise, I …
Today is National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day, also referred to as Pearl Harbor Day, December 7th. This day is observed annually in the United States to remember and honor the 2,403 citizens of the United States who were killed in the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor in Hawaii on December 7, 1941. Today is also Sandy’s birthday. It was always easy for me to remember her birthday because of Pearl Harbor Day. Today she would have been 65. Several months ago I wrote about her. If you want to read that post, here is the link. https://peggielarsen.com/when-god-closes-a-door-he-opens-a-window/
I have been feeling weird lately. Weird as in my thinking has not being clear. It has been cloudy. It has been odd. It has been fuzzy. It has been hard to focus. It has been hard to concentrate on things. I have been feeling stifled.
Every single year around the holidays this happens. I should pick up on it by now. I should be able to figure it out. I should know why. But every single year, I go through the cloudy. I go through the odd. I go through the fuzzy. Maybe a slight depression with winter settling in. Or maybe just holiday hard.
Something always triggers it. Something reminds me. Something brings it all back. The missing. The love. The hard. The holiday hard. We miss people differently, yet the same. We love people differently, yet the same. The holidays are always hard when loved ones are gone. The holidays make us miss people harder.
The trigger today was a song. Songs are always a trigger for me. The song today made me miss my dad. The song today made me miss Sandy. It’s funny that I would miss them both today because of this song. The group is Tabitha’s Secret, Rob Thomas before Matchbox Twenty. The song was Dizzy. I have it rolling around on a few Spotify playlists and today it made an appearance. A timely appearance. An appearance that made me realize why I have been feeling cloudy and odd and fuzzy and holiday hard. I think it is a way so I don’t forget. So I always remember the fun times. So I always remember the good times. So I always remember the hard times. So I always remember.
I remember after Dad had died, Sandy was there for me. She was so there for me. She was so supportive and so kind. A true friend. I remember playing these songs for her. I remember her telling me how much she liked them. There were several by Tabitha’s Secret. Forever December and Here Comes Horses are two favorites. I rarely can listen to them without tearing up. Without thinking of her and Dad. Isn’t it funny how songs do that to us. Very cliche’, but the song takes you right back to where you were, as if listening to it in that very moment. The sad moment. The missing moment. The hard moment.
It’s hard to believe that Sandy has been gone almost 15 years. It’s hard to believe that Dad has been gone over 17 years.
Happy Birthday Sandy – Enjoy that bottle of Scotch.
This week I was trying to think of something to write about. Most times, things are just right there. This week was a little bit different for some reason. My thoughts have not been clear. They have been super jumbled together and fuzzy. I have …
Every year around this time we get the Christmas tree. Every year around this time we wonder why it is so big. Every year around this time we struggle getting it into the house. Today was no different. Today is Sunday, December 3, 2017. This …
It was Friday. It was the first day of December. The now.
I was planning on going to the play Calendar Girls with a couple of girlfriends, after dinner and drinks. We wanted to support a friend of ours who was in the play.
My day was going great. I had a facial earlier in the day and then was home cleaning and writing. As you know, if you read a few blog posts ago, I am struggling with pullups. I had a good training session today though. The pull-ups hurt my forearm, but the chinups were feeling great. I felt accomplished.
I was relaxing for a while before I needed to take a shower and go meet Cara and Laura. I had a glass of wine and just felt chill.
I was going to wear a sweatshirt that has a bunch of holes in it and part of the neck cut out, because I like stuff like that, and don’t really care if anyone else does. It’s my style. It had ME cut out all over it.
I went upstairs to take a shower and noticed the very cool Chestee sports bra that I bought on Black Friday. The Lulu. You know the company is serious when they name all their sports bras. I thought it would look good with the sweatshirt. The bras are geared towards women and lifting. Specifically padding up near the collarbones. Not that I do any of that kind of lifting, but they make them so nice looking that why the hell wouldn’t people buy them. They aren’t cheap, but the quality is excellent. I have a couple other ones that I bought on sale and when I went to order this one, I remember thinking to myself that because it had a different kind of bottom part, maybe I should size up. But I didn’t. First mistake: Always listen to your gut.
I took off the tags and held up the bra. I looked at the bottom part trying to figure out how it goes on. I pulled on it a little bit and thought it seemed a little tight. Not a big concern, because most of these bras fit pretty snugly. So I put the bra on over my head and thought, holy crap, this is tight. I got it down over my boobs feeling the whole time like I just had a mamogram. So damn tight. Second mistake: Never try on sports bras when you are sweaty or having hot flashes.
Okay, so it’s on now and it’s tight, but I think it’s okay. It took at least five minutes to get it on and in place. That should have been a clue for what was to come. Time to take it off so I can take a shower. Well, it is so tight I can’t even begin to get it off. I was thinking what the F? I finally got it up to above the boobs, after the second mammogram of the day. I kept trying but couldn’t get it up any further. I kept thinking, how the hell am I going to get this off? Shit, I’m going to be late. Why isn’t John here? He’s usually home early on Fridays. The dogs sure as shit won’t be able to help me. What am I going to do? Tayler isn’t here either. I’m home alone. All those thoughts are running through my head trying to get this stupid sports bra off. I haven’t moved like that since high school. Pretty sure I invented some new dance moves or some awesome ninja moves. I was trying and trying to get this thing off of me. I reached back over my head and grabbed the straps. I pulled hard. All I heard was seams popping and ripping, but nothing moved. UGH!!! Now I’m getting pissed. I was wondering if I laid down I could somehow get this thing off. Ummmm, bad idea. Writhing and squirming and bouncing, nothing worked.
I’m pissed because this bra was EXPENSIVE and I didn’t want to ruin it. I thought if the seams just popped or stretched a little, it would still be okay. I tugged again. Nothing! I’m stuck. See, I told you the quality was excellent. My thought process here was that because of the pull up program that has been kicking my ass for the last nine weeks it has also made my lats so big that I will never get this bra off. No matter what I did, I could not get the bra over my lats. I tried to shift from side to side to slide it up. No luck. No big break. Not happening. What the hell??? I’m sweaty as fuck now because I have been wrestling with this sports bra for ten minutes with no luck. It doesn’t help that I am having hot flashes the whole time too.
Now its getting serous. By this time, I am going to be late. If I don’t get this bra off in the next few minutes, I am going to be late. I don’t do late. I just don’t. I wrestled with the bra some more. Nothing! I cannot get this thing off. I walk over to the drawer at the bathroom counter. I open it. I look around for the one item that will get this damn bra off me, the scissors. I pick them up and start cutting. The dilemma was killing me. I didn’t want to ruin this bra by having to cut it off me. I have never had to do this before with a sports bra. Why now? Why with one that had to cost so much? Why such a cool looking one?
I cut it. I had to. I had to escape the sports bra. I had to, I had to, KILL it! Bye, bye Chestee so cool sports bra. So sorry we couldn’t live in peace with each other.
Lessons learned: Always listen to your gut and never try on sports bras when you are sweaty or having hot flashes.
When my dad died in 2000, it came as a total shock to us. He seemed totally fine and then he was gone. He had major health problems before that, quadruple bypass surgery at 48, and double bypass again at 58. They say it …
Hey, fat ass! My in-my-own-head voice would look around to see who was talking. My in-my-own-head voice would berate me for being a fat ass. My in-my-own-head voice would call me that all the time. My in-my-own-head voice was an asshole. If you have read …
I watched an interview with Art Garfunkel last Sunday on that Sunday morning show. I don’t know what it’s called even. Probably just Sunday Morning. I looked it up, CBS Sunday Morning. I was close.
The interview was really interesting, as he talked about his time with Paul Simon. They have had a turbulent relationship over the years for sure. There was one thing though. At the end of the interview, he said, “I believe life is a surprise.”
I started thinking about how that is such a true statement. Life surely is a surprise. We don’t know what is going to happen in our lives. We can’t plan everything. We can’t control things as much as we like to think we can.
I started thinking about how life is a gift as well. I have met some really amazing people in my life. I have been a personal trainer and kettlebell instructor for over 7 years. Life is a surprise every day. Every day I learn something new about one of my clients. Every day there is something they are going through that I listen to.
I have a whole basket of memories from the past seven plus years. There has been good times and really, really sad times. We have been through so many things. Together.
I have been watching their kids grow up. I know their names. I know their birthdays. I know what kinds of food they like. I know their pets’ names. I know how many pets they have. I know what hurts them. I know what makes them happy.
I know where my clients shop. I know their insecurities. I know when they are feeling sad or happy. I know when they are feeling great or not so great. I know what makes them laugh. I love watching my group people bond with each other. I love listening to them laugh when they are training. After all, life is a surprise. Surprises every single day.
I’ve been there for extremely hard times. The death of a baby. It doesn’t get much sadder or harder than that. Life is a surprise. This mother, this wife, this woman is one of the strongest women I know. She does things on her terms. She does things her way. She follows her own rules. And really, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, at her training session this morning, she and I and another client, were talking about that very thing. We don’t have to fit into the box or the parameters of what someone else says we should. Who are they to tell us how we should live or lives or what our lives should look like. It is absolutely okay to live by our own rules. I commend her and I admire and respect her.
We’ve been through so many life surprises. The things we can’t control. The loss of pets, the loss of parents, the loss of siblings and friends. Marriages and divorces. Sending kids to pre-school, elementary school, middle school, high school and college. Hoping they will be okay. Hoping they won’t struggle.
I have a lot of women clients and every single one of them has such an amazing presence in my life. I love getting to know them. I love learning about their careers. I love listening to them. I’ll say that again…I LOVE listening to them. I love they trust me with their most personal problems, their most personal life things. A catalog of life items. Not all of it is pretty. Life is a surprise. Struggles, triumphs, celebration, joy, loss, sorrow and unhappiness.
I often think that if I wasn’t doing this for a living, I never would have met all these wonderful women. I have awesome men clients too, but in this post the light is shining on the women.
There are so many things I would have missed. I love the surprises of this life. There are so many chapters I have been able to witness. I am so grateful and so thankful I am able to be a part of their book of life.
I want to thank these women for being kickass. I want to thank these women for not taking any shit. I want to thank these women for being strong. I want to thank these women for trusting me with their details.
I was driving home from the studio. I was on the Highway, 1804, north. It was just starting to get dark. I always look for deer, so was scouting the ditches. Over to the left, I saw something that was so weird. I actually thought …