Holiday Hard

Holiday Hard

Today is National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day, also referred to as Pearl Harbor Day, December 7th. This day is observed annually in the United States to remember and honor the 2,403 citizens of the United States who were killed in the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor in Hawaii on December 7, 1941. Today is also Sandy’s birthday. It was always easy for me to remember her birthday because of Pearl Harbor Day. Today she would have been 65. Several months ago I wrote about her. If you want to read that post, here is the link.

I have been feeling weird lately. Weird as in my thinking has not being clear. It has been cloudy. It has been odd. It has been fuzzy. It has been hard to focus. It has been hard to concentrate on things. I have been feeling stifled.

Every single year around the holidays this happens. I should pick up on it by now. I should be able to figure it out. I should know why. But every single year, I go through the cloudy. I go through the odd. I go through the fuzzy. Maybe a slight depression with winter settling in. Or maybe just holiday hard.

Something always triggers it. Something reminds me. Something brings it all back. The missing. The love. The hard. The holiday hard. We miss people differently, yet the same. We love people differently, yet the same. The holidays are always hard when loved ones are gone. The holidays make us miss people harder.

The trigger today was a song. Songs are always a trigger for me. The song today made me miss my dad. The song today made me miss Sandy. It’s funny that I would miss them both today because of this song. The group is Tabitha’s Secret, Rob Thomas before Matchbox Twenty. The song was Dizzy. I have it rolling around on a few Spotify playlists and today it made an appearance. A timely appearance. An appearance that made me realize why I have been feeling cloudy and odd and fuzzy and holiday hard. I think it is a way so I don’t forget. So I always remember the fun times. So I always remember the good times. So I always remember the hard times. So I always remember.

I remember after Dad had died, Sandy was there for me. She was so there for me. She was so supportive and so kind. A true friend. I remember playing these songs for her. I remember her telling me how much she liked them. There were several by Tabitha’s Secret. Forever December and Here Comes Horses are two favorites. I rarely can listen to them without tearing up. Without thinking of her and Dad. Isn’t it funny how songs do that to us. Very cliche’, but the song takes you right back to where you were, as if listening to it in that very moment. The sad moment. The missing moment. The hard moment.

It’s hard to believe that Sandy has been gone almost 15 years. It’s hard to believe that Dad has been gone over 17 years.

Happy Birthday Sandy – Enjoy that bottle of Scotch.