why didn’t you get the buns?

He asked, “Why didn’t you get buns?” “I don’t know,” she answered. “You went out specifically to get buns,” he said. “I know. I changed my mind,” she said.

You see, she was going to the store specifically to get buns for supper. She went out of the house not really thinking about how she looked. When she got to the store, she realized she had on shorts. She felt fat. Her legs looked gross. She didn’t want to go in the store. She sat in the car and struggled with herself. Talking to herself. Telling herself she looked disgusting and then telling herself she looked fine, but still not being able to make herself go into the store. Back and forth. Back and forth. She came home instead.

This used to be me. Maybe not buns, but that doesn’t matter and that isn’t the point. I would be out and about and then decide to run to the store to pick up some things. I then realized I had on shorts. Big deal, right? It is a big deal to someone who is not comfortable with their body, or not comfortable with how they look. They see every single flaw in their bodies. They see every single chunk of fat. They see every single dimple of cellulite. They see everything wrong and nothing right. The wheels are falling off and nothing seems to get you out of the hole. No matter how many times someone tells you that you look good, you don’t believe them. The windows are so far down, you don’t know if they’ll ever roll back up.

It’s crazy how we get so caught up in how we look. It shouldn’t really matter how we look. I realize everyone wants to look good. I want to look good too. The line is crossed though when there is a right way or a wrong way to look. Everyone is totally different, and how cool is that? How can society, or anyone else for that matter, decide what is good and what is bad? It should not be that way. We need to stand up for ourselves. Perception is a choice. Being healthy is a choice. We get a choice in how we look. We get a choice in being healthy. Key word is choice. The ball is bounced to you. It’s up to you.

Negative body image and crappy self-esteem can take a long time to work through. Just know this, once you realize what is going on and once you start to figure this out, you need to own it. Once you own it, you can then begin to take the steps to work through it. Realize it’s your choice. Once you start that mental toughness of not caring what other people think of you, because really, you are the only one who should care about what you look like, then things start to change. Things start to feel different. You start to feel better about yourself. You start to toughen up. Beauty isn’t just on the outside. Everyone is their own kind of beautiful. Own it.

You have to search for it though. Find your nuts and bolts, find your center, find your core. Only then can you begin to get past the insecurities that haunt you. The insecurities that jump on you and don’t let you see the real you. When we are constantly telling ourselves negative things, well guess what? We start to believe them. We start to believe we look fat. We start to believe we look terrible. We get a shift in our mindset. We start to feel self-conscious. Make the decision to change. Make the choice to change. It does not happen overnight. It takes time. Get yourself settled in and get some popcorn for the movie. This is going to take a while. Don’t give up on yourself though, you are definitely worth it.

There is beauty in toughness
There is beauty in confidence
There is beauty in owning your shit
There is beauty in figuring this out
There is beauty in not giving a fuck about what other people think
There is beauty in feeling top shelf about yourself.

So go get those damn buns and go get them while wearing shorts.

how far into the rabbit hole are you?


How far into the rabbit hole are you?

Do you ever feel like life just sucks and you can’t squeeze out one more drop of positivity or motivation? Have you started eating crap and skipping your workouts? Are you an emotional wreck to the point it is starting to affect all aspects of your life?

You can’t focus at work and you really don’t care. You have no energy and you are tired ALL.THE.TIME!! You eat whatever you want, no matter what it is. You may have joint pain or other aches and pains. Pretty soon your leggings are your dress pants or you’ve graduated to the Duluth Trading Company’s ballroom jeans, because nothing else fits.

The first thing you do when you get up is dive face first into crap food because it makes you feel better. Triple caramel breve with whip cream anyone? (Breve is the one made with all half and half, in case you didn’t know). The last thing you do at night is have just “one more.” You know what I’m talking about. It’s not one more glass of water.

Is this your rabbit hole?

I was talking to a friend today and that is exactly what she has been feeling. It is super hard to climb out of that hole when everything seems to be going against you. I remember feeling that way after getting divorced many, many years ago. Luckily I found John and we have been together almost 20 years. Life knocks us off our feet and it’s hard to get back up. Because why should we? Well, because that’s life. Life’s lessons.

I do remember though how hard it was to get up each day and take care of my kids and make sure they were okay. I remember many times I didn’t want to get out of bed. I remember thinking that things would never get better and that I was going to feel stuck forever. I remember trying to control everything and could control nothing. I remember using alcohol and food and oh my God, shopping, to numb my feelings. I wanted to just forget everything.

In all honesty, I still have a hard time to this day. I still feel guilty for seemingly wrecking my kids’ lives. That’s another post for another day. Maybe never. That’s a chapter I’m not sure I want anyone to read.

Buuuut, how do we move on? How do we get our shit together? Well, guess what? First of all, you need to take responsibility and quit lying to yourself about what is going on in your life. Own your shit.

Second, make yourself a priority. It may seem selfish, but if you don’t, you won’t change. You need to take care of yourself first or you will never be able to take care of anyone else. Think about this, if you are eating shit and drinking all the time, no doubt you aren’t going to be very healthy. You will probably start to get sick and then you will lose work time, you will lose workout time, you will lose family time, you will lose time!

Finally, make a plan and stick with it. More on that below.

This is one can you do not want to kick down the street. In order to get your life back and start climbing out of that rabbit hole try implementing these 5 tips on how to do YOU:
1. Decide, and take responsibility — you have to decide you are ready to change. Nobody can do that for you. And again, own your shit. No excuses.

2. Commit and don’t back down – Commit to working on yourself and stay focused.

3. Show up EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Again, no excuses. Work on yourself every day.

4. Be consistent. If you know me at all, you know I totally believe in being consistent. It is a life changer.

5. Realize it will be hard. Nothing good is easy, and nothing easy is good.
But most of all, always remember you are human, you are not broken, so start the climb out of that rabbit hole.

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Seriously, Just Eat Right Already!

What does eating right even mean?

You hear it all the time. If I could just eat right then I would lose weight. Or, wow, if so and so would eat right they would feel so much better. But seriously, how many of you eat right? What is eating right? So if you don’t eat right, does that mean you eat wrong?

Let’s explore. First of all we need to figure out what eating right means to us. Eating right to me means eating fresh whole foods, protein, fruits, vegetables and good fats. No sugar and no packaged foods. I do, however, like a nice glass of wine. I know that wine all the time doesn’t do my body good. I sure wish it did though. I love wine. If I am eating super strict I cut all alcohol. If I am eating somewhat strict I usually have a glass or two on Friday nights when we go out to eat. If I am not eating strict, I still eat as above, but I will drink wine about 3 to 4 times a week.

But, what if someone doesn’t even know what whole foods or protein or anything I mentioned above looks like. I can’t imagine someone would not know what a fruit or vegetable looks like, but I can see how someone might not know what protein or good fats are.

Fats – Considered heart healthy, good fats include olive oils, avocado oil, coconut oil (finally coming into the mainstream), grass fed butter, olives, avocados, and nuts. Nuts, need to be eaten in small quantities because a small amount packs a huge calorie and fat punch. If you like macadamia nuts, you can totally relate. Ummmmm, I ate the whole bag. Portion control is a big deal here for nuts. Fats have 9 calories per gram, as opposed to 4 for carbohydrates and meats, so you can see they are about twice the amount of calories as the other foods.

Vegetables – cabbage, spinach, lettuce, squash, celery, carrots, beets, radishes, sprouts, and things like that. Low calories, also considered carbohydrates and are considered super healthy. I love, love, love, vegetables.

Fruits – strawberries, apples, blueberries, oranges, grapefuit, raspberries, bananas. Nature’s sugar. Why in the hell would anyone add any sugar to these fresh fruits?

Protein – the meat group, beef (preferably 100 percent grass fed and finished), chicken, turkey, eggs, wild game (not touching these lips), and fish.

Let’s put a meal together now. This is a sample of what I eat when being super strict.

Breakfast: So because I know my body doesn’t function well on cereal and milk, sometimes I will eat oatmeal, not the instant though. I use the rolled oats that need to be cooked in the microwave for about 3 minutes and about 10 minutes on the stove. I then add protein powder into the oatmeal. I will also add some eggs to my breakfast. This works for my body and doesn’t give me a crash later in the morning. If I don’t eat the oatmeal, I eat eggs A LOT. I really like eggs and sausage and avocado.

Lunch: Lunch is probably the easiest meal for me. I love to have a giant bowl of spinach and cabbage or any other kind of salad as the base. I then add some tuna or chicken and a little bit of olive oil drizzled over the whole thing. Light and energizing.

Supper: Usually chicken or salmon or beef and a big pile of vegetables like broccoli and brussels sprouts, all drizzled with olive oil.

I also drink a lot of water during the day. I probably drink more than a gallon of water every day.

I rarely do dairy. My body does not like it.

The above is eating healthy, FOR ME. Although this would be a good way to eat for a lot of people, it might not be for everyone. You need to figure out what works for you.

There are so many ways of eating: Paleo, Ketogenic, low carb, low fat, high protein, and the list goes on and on. It gets confusing and it can be hard to figure out what really is healthy. THAT is where you have to experiment with things. It definitely becomes trial and error. Sometimes Paleo is awesome for people who are overweight and have Type 2 Diabetes, but it might not be for you. Eating right for you, may not mean eating right for someone else. Every single body is different and every single body reacts differently to different foods. Remember that. Just because Paleo works awesome AF for you, does not mean it is going to work like that for someone else. As much as I love Paleo, I know it’s not the only way to eat right.

Change things up until you find something that makes you feel amazing. It can be very interesting and empowering to know that you are in control of your own health. Isn’t that how it should be anyway? I think it should be. I don’t know about you, but I want to figure out things myself first.

When I get older, I don’t want to have to take a bunch of different medications to combat any problems that could have been prevented with nutrition in the first place. After all, let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. Sound familiar?



There Is No Wagon


I have to admit that I have tried so many different ways of eating. I wanted the quick fix. I wanted to feel fabulous in 10 days, or 30 days or however many days. I wanted to just make that fucking change to start the ball rolling. Who doesn’t feel that way? I tried so hard I developed an eating disorder because of it and a few other factors. Enter high school gymnastics…

I can remember being in high school and I had a gymnastics coach who wanted me to lose weight. He wanted me to lose 10 pounds. At that time I weighed 116 pounds. I remember feeling so shitty and so defeated and most of all I felt like a big fat cow (even though I wasn’t). Bulimia became my thing. I was really good at it. Want to know what foods come up easier? I can tell you. Want to know which ones don’t? I can tell you that too. t lasted for about 3 or 4 years. For some reason I just stopped. I honestly think I was tired of hiding it. Tired of eating a ton of food and then trying to find a place to throw up. Being ashamed and just wanting to feel healthy and not tired and run down. I wanted to be normal. It is a scary and powerful disorder. Once in a while though, and I mean once in a while, like maybe one or two times a year, if I have been overeating, that dark place in my mind, that asshole called doubt comes creeping in and tries to tell me to just get rid of that food. I don’t let it control me. I move on. Sometimes that is a hard thing to do. I have grown a ton and I do know that would be the worst thing I could do for my health, so I move on. I think to this day, however, I still have some body image issues, but I will say I am pretty happy with how I look. I also have a pretty healthy relationship with food now. I am super strong and I have muscles. I will never be skinny. I’m not built that way. I have super strong shoulders and legs. I actually like my body type. My body functions well and I love that.

You don’t have to eat perfectly. You don’t have to be perfect. Perfect is, well, perfectly stupid. NOBODY is perfect. You need to quit telling yourself that you will start Monday or when you get back from vacation. Stop putting it off. If you don’t just start, you will never see the changes you are trying to implement.

Strop striving for perfection. Guess what? You can mess up and keep going. You didn’t fall off the wagon. THERE IS NO FUCKING WAGON!! You don’t have to face plant into crap food for weeks, because you messed up. Start slow and start forming habits that will stay with you the rest of your life.

Wondering where to start? My answer: you just fucking start. You do, however, have to be ready. So how do you know if you’re ready? Trust me, you know. Don’t fool yourself and make excuses. Pants too damn tight? Tired of feeling sick and tired? Feel like a fricking bloated whale? Does your skin look like shit? Is your sleep crappy? Feel like a failure? Sound familiar? See, you do know.

I say it all the time, consistency will get you where you want to be. And after all, how do you think habits form? Yep, with consistency.

My style of eating is not a quick fix. It’s not a challenge. I try to stay consistent with my eating habits and try not to overindulge. Don’t get me wrong, I do indulge, but I keep it in check. Thinking more gray and less extreme AND eating slowly has been a game changer for me.

Try it some time and let me know how it works for you.