Wishbone

The chicken

Salted and peppered and floured then oil

Fried crispy

The smell

Delicious and deep

The salivating immediate

Fried to perfection

Served hot and skin crispy

Fighting for it

It’s the best

But I want it all

We share

And then it appears

The wishbone

We square off

We each grab a piece

Pull, stretch and break

The wishbone

Who wins?

Whoever gets the big piece

That’s who wins

The wishbone

Imagine yourself in Kindergarten.

Imagine the excitement. 

The first real school experience.

Away from your parents. 

Away from bothers and sisters

Nervous

Excited

Scared

Anxious

All those feelings being felt in a giant ball in your tummy. At that age do we know what it is to want to fit in? Can we tell if someone doesn’t like us? I can’t remember. 

In Kindergarten we are coming into our personalities and things that make us happy and things that make us sad. We are starting to be more independent and we are building our confidence.

This is a critical age. 

Words matter. Actions matter. 

Kindergarten is fun. It’s where social behaviors are learned. It’s where fun things are learned. 

The alphabet. The numbers. The drawing. The coloring. 

Words matter. Actions matter. 

So now imagine yourself sitting at your tiny table in your tiny chair in your big classroom. The teacher gives everyone a piece of paper and gives instructions to color the apple that is printed on the paper. 

Now imagine, you are loving life and you are loving being in school. You are unique. Nobody is the same as you. You are excited to color your apple. You start to color your apple purple! 

The teacher is walking around checking on everyone’s coloring. The teacher gets to yours. 

Words matter. Actions matter. 

In front of the whole class, the teacher snatches up your piece of paper. The teacher proclaims that apples are green, red or yellow. Apples are NOT purple. Imagine the shame you feel. Imagine how your feelings were quashed. Imagine how your creativity was stunted. Your confidence was crushed. You shriveled. 

Words matter. Actions matter. 

Imagine the trauma. But you may be thinking, how could that be even remotely traumatic for a child? Then let me ask you this. Why would that child remember that event years and years and years later? Because it was traumatic for that child.

Those words and those actions formed something in that child. That child now is constantly seeking reassurance about decisions that may seem easy enough for us, but are a huge struggle for this child. That child struggles with confidence. That child struggles to be unique. Those words and actions carried over into that child’s adult life. 

Words matter. Actions matter. 

Stop crushing a child’s creativity. Stop crushing a child’s feelings and emotions. Stop crushing a child’s confidence. Think about your words. Think about your actions. Color your apples purple. 

Pressure Perfect

I’ve been wondering again. I’ve told you before. I wonder about a lot of different things. Lately it’s been pressure. The pressure we put on our kids, or the pressure we put on ourselves. The pressures our parents put on us. What kind of pressure? 

The be good enough pressure. The comparison pressure. The get out in the real world pressure. Pressure, pressure and more pressure. All that pressure. It starts with our kid selves and just keeps building to our adult selves. Sports, grades, careers, life. 

So the next thing I started wondering about is how pressure affects people. What effect is it having? What makes a person more resilient to pressure? Is it the way their brain is wired? How does one person let crap just roll off their back, when another one obsesses over what someone said to them or about them. One moves on, one doesn’t. 

How does one person crack under it and the other doesn’t? What kinds of coping mechanisms do people use to deal with the pressure? Look at all those question marks. It’s crazy. I get in a loop and my mind just keeps going through the questions. I can’t help it. 

I feel like I am pretty well put together as far as not letting stress and pressure get to me. But why? Am I more resilient and more apt to be able to deal with pressure? Some people numb it. Some people turn to alcohol, or drugs or food or over spending. 

I think those numb -ers  can be in all of us. Sometimes the numb feels better than living with the pressure. Sometimes the numb is a way out. So many people have a fixed mindset instead of a growth mindset. When we have a fixed mindset we feel like we can’t improve. However, when we have a growth mindset, we think our intelligence, our talents and our abilities can be developed. We can overcome obstacles with effort, strategies and help from others. We can become more resilient. 

In fact, I am a big fan of using kid friendly books and psychology ideas to help my nutrition clients. I think it is super important because so many of us did not learn how to cope with our big emotions, our big feelings and our big pressures. So many times we are so concerned about pleasing others that we forget to be curious about ourselves and to learn about ourselves. We don’t even know ourselves. 

Aimlessly drifting or moving with purpose. Which was is the right way? Back to that pressure. The trick here is to make sure that if you are moving with purpose, you are moving with YOUR purpose. The goals you want to pursue, not your parents, not your teachers, not your spouse, not anyone, but you. “What you get my achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” Zig Ziglar

I think a main component of alleviating some of the immense pressure that is our lives, is to make sure to have the support of others. This can make life and those pressures a lot more easy to handle. It’s too hard to do things alone. The feelings of disappointing people can be huge. 

The pressure can be overwhelming. The numb – ers can be overwhelming. A few things that can help with the pressure is to ask yourself some questions when you are feeling overwhelmed. Ask yourself if you got enough sleep. Ask yourself if you got some movement in in the last few days. And ask yourself if you asked anyone for help. Finds some support. Talk to a friend, a mentor anyone whose advice you trust. 

Maybe check in with your kid once in a while and talk to them. Check in with yourself and see how your pressure is going. Check in with friends and other people you know. Ask questions. 

We all need a friend. And we all need to be able to ask for help. Do it sooner, rather than later, because sometimes, later is too late.