30 minutes with “The Chestee” sports bra

It was Friday. It was the first day of December. The now.

I was planning on going to the play Calendar Girls with a couple of girlfriends, after dinner and drinks. We wanted to support a friend of ours who was in the play.

My day was going great. I had a facial earlier in the day and then was home cleaning and writing. As you know, if you read a few blog posts ago, I am struggling with pullups. I had a good training session today though. The pull-ups hurt my forearm, but the chinups were feeling great. I felt accomplished.

I was relaxing for a while before I needed to take a shower and go meet Cara and Laura. I had a glass of wine and just felt chill.

I was going to wear a sweatshirt that has a bunch of holes in it and part of the neck cut out, because I like stuff like that, and don’t really care if anyone else does. It’s my style. It had ME cut out all over it.

I went upstairs to take a shower and noticed the very cool Chestee sports bra that I bought on Black Friday. The Lulu. You know the company is serious when they name all their sports bras. I thought it would look good with the sweatshirt. The bras are geared towards women and lifting. Specifically padding up near the collarbones. Not that I do any of that kind of lifting, but they make them so nice looking that why the hell wouldn’t people buy them. They aren’t cheap, but the quality is excellent. I have a couple other ones that I bought on sale and when I went to order this one, I remember thinking to myself that because it had a different kind of bottom part, maybe I should size up. But I didn’t. First mistake: Always listen to your gut.

I took off the tags and held up the bra. I looked at the bottom part trying to figure out how it goes on. I pulled on it a little bit and thought it seemed a little tight. Not a big concern, because most of these bras fit pretty snugly. So I put the bra on over my head and thought, holy crap, this is tight. I got it down over my boobs feeling the whole time like I just had a mamogram. So damn tight. Second mistake: Never try on sports bras when you are sweaty or having hot flashes.

Okay, so it’s on now and it’s tight, but I think it’s okay. It took at least five minutes to get it on and in place. That should have been a clue for what was to come. Time to take it off so I can take a shower. Well, it is so tight I can’t even begin to get it off. I was thinking what the F? I finally got it up to above the boobs, after the second mammogram of the day. I kept trying but couldn’t get it up any further. I kept thinking, how the hell am I going to get this off? Shit, I’m going to be late. Why isn’t John here? He’s usually home early on Fridays. The dogs sure as shit won’t be able to help me. What am I going to do? Tayler isn’t here either. I’m home alone. All those thoughts are running through my head trying to get this stupid sports bra off. I haven’t moved like that since high school. Pretty sure I invented some new dance moves or some awesome ninja moves. I was trying and trying to get this thing off of me. I reached back over my head and grabbed the straps. I pulled hard. All I heard was seams popping and ripping, but nothing moved. UGH!!! Now I’m getting pissed. I was wondering if I laid down I could somehow get this thing off. Ummmm, bad idea. Writhing and squirming and bouncing, nothing worked.

I’m pissed because this bra was EXPENSIVE and I didn’t want to ruin it. I thought if the seams just popped or stretched a little, it would still be okay. I tugged again. Nothing! I’m stuck. See, I told you the quality was excellent. My thought process here was that because of the pull up program that has been kicking my ass for the last nine weeks it has also made my lats so big that I will never get this bra off. No matter what I did, I could not get the bra over my lats. I tried to shift from side to side to slide it up. No luck. No big break. Not happening. What the hell??? I’m sweaty as fuck now because I have been wrestling with this sports bra for ten minutes with no luck. It doesn’t help that I am having hot flashes the whole time too.

Now its getting serous. By this time, I am going to be late. If I don’t get this bra off in the next few minutes, I am going to be late. I don’t do late. I just don’t. I wrestled with the bra some more. Nothing! I cannot get this thing off. I walk over to the drawer at the bathroom counter. I open it. I look around for the one item that will get this damn bra off me, the scissors. I pick them up and start cutting. The dilemma was killing me. I didn’t want to ruin this bra by having to cut it off me. I have never had to do this before with a sports bra. Why now? Why with one that had to cost so much? Why such a cool looking one?

I cut it. I had to. I had to escape the sports bra. I had to, I had to, KILL it! Bye, bye Chestee so cool sports bra. So sorry we couldn’t live in peace with each other.

Lessons learned: Always listen to your gut and never try on sports bras when you are sweaty or having hot flashes.