Do you ever just spend time by yourself. I mean completely by yourself. No noise. No distractions. No nothing. Go ahead. Find a quiet place to relax. I’ll wait for you. Either your bedroom or another quiet place in your house will work. Turn off …
Month: September 2017
As I am getting ready to post this, I am sitting at my kitchen counter checking to make sure I have everything I need. I have my carry-on packed. I have my backpack packed. That’s my go to when I travel. I have my ticket. I have snacks and water.
I have a lot of emotions flowing through me. I have a lot of questions being asked of me by myself. Did you do enough? Did you work hard? Do you think you will do well? Do you feel ready? Can you go?
Well…the answer is I’m not sure. All the doubt is creeping in. The negative talk is telling me I didn’t do enough. The negative talk is telling me I didn’t work hard enough. The negative talk is telling me I won’t do well. The negative talk is telling me I’m not ready and I can’t go.
I feel empty. My tank feels low. It’s been a long road. I’ve had injuries to overcome and just when I am starting to feel good it’s time to go. But can I?
Guess what? We all have shit. We all have problems. We all have life. We all have something we have to deal with. It’s not new to any of us.
The important thing is to not dwell on the negative talk. I’m trying hard not to do that. I’m trying hard to stay positive. I’m trying hard.
If you are wondering what I am talking about. I am talking about my recertification for my kettlebell certification. I have to recert every three years. I am certified level I and level II right now and this is the recertification for both of those. It’s not easy AT ALL. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically.
The Master instructor is Dan John. Ever heard of him? He’s kind of a big deal. I am super excited to work with him. He truly is an amazing coach and more importantly an amazing person. I will probably fan girl all over him. I did pack one of his books so he can sign it for me. Weird? Not at all. He’s that amazing of a person.
So tomorrow morning I hop in the car about 5:30 a.m. and head to Rapid City. I catch a plane to Denver and then to LA – the land of the pretty people. I will Uber of Lyft to the hotel because I’m sure as hell not renting a car and driving in that traffic.
I get to see my good friend Rene again. I absolutely love her. We hit it off immediately at our Level II three years ago and then the Progressive Calisthentics Certification. Talk about an amazing person. She is one of a kind. Such a beautiful person with an absolutely beautiful soul. She is such an inspiration. NOTHING keeps her down.
Even though my tank is feeling empty. I am not going to use that an an excuse. I am going to dig deeper. I’m going to push harder. I’m going to be uncomfortable as fuck and I am going to grow!
Rene – let’s do this!!
Do you ever wonder about things? How far back can you remember actually wondering about things?
Can you go back to single digits? I think I can. I remember always wondering how I was going to climb the next tree. I remember trying to figure out which one had the best branches. I wondered how long it would take me to do double jumps. I wondered how many push ups I could do. I wondered. Is that considered wondering or is it considered something else?
Wondering means to think or speculate curiously. Oh yeah, that’s my jam. I wondered all the time as a little kid. I curiously wondered. I wondered curiously. Every day I did this. I think we all did. Then as we get a little older we wonder about different things. More grown up things. More things that may also be construed as worry. Still wondering curiously though.
I think in the single digits for most kids the wondering is pretty harmless and it is a curious wonderment. Like I said before, figuring out what tree had the best branches so it would be easier to climb. Super innocent.
As a tween or teenager, we start wondering about other things. We wonder if someone likes us. We wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are fat or skinny or if someone is going to talk to us or if we will be able to sit with people at lunch. We start wondering if we are going to get good grades. We wonder if we will get asked to the dance. We wonder if that certain boy likes us or is going to talk to us. We keep wondering.
Moving on up to high school I think those wonders are still there, but then we add more. We start to wonder where we will go to college. If we will go to college. We wonder how much money things are going to cost. We wonder if we will have good enough grades. But I can guarantee we still wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are fat and if people will like us. We wonder if we are good enough. We keep wondering.
Then we move into young adulthood and our wonders grow even bigger. We wonder if we will get married. We wonder if we will have kids. We wonder how many kids we will have. We wonder if our husband or wife is going to be nice to us. We wonder where we will live. We wonder if we will get a good job. We also still wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are good enough. We wonder if people will like us. We keep wondering.
The next step is an adult. More wonders. Now we wonder if we can pay the bills. We wonder when will be able to buy a house. We have kids and we wonder how they will do. We wonder if they will be good members of society. We still wonder if we are pretty. We wonder if the stretch marks and cellulite have ruined our bodies. We wonder if we are fat. We wonder if we are good enough. We keep wondering.
Where does this come from? Not the regular wondering, but the body image wondering and the being good enough wondering? We are being taught at a young age to think we are flawed, to think there is something wrong with us. We are taught that if we are “fat” we are ugly. We are taught that skinny is the best way to be. If you aren’t skinny you are ugly. If you have one ounce of fat on your body, you are ugly. If you don’t have perfect hair, or skin or teeth, you are ugly. Who started that shit? More importantly, why do we still need to wonder about this?
This past weekend I hosted my Body Image Without Prejudice Women’s Retreat, where over a dozen women came together to have a good time with good people, good workouts, good presenters and good food. We talked about body image, overall health, mental health and grief. We talked about a lot of things. This was a place where nobody was judged. We didn’t have to wonder if we were good enough. We didn’t have to wonder if we were ugly or fat. We didn’t have to wonder if anyone was going to like us. We didn’t have to wonder.
I think this is a super important issue among women. The sooner we can quit wondering about this stuff, the more we are NOT passing these wonders onto our daughters. Our daughters are beautiful. We are beautiful. We shouldn’t have to wonder about that.