I’ve kind of been on a theme lately of listening to your body and being aware of what is going on with your body. I am preparing for my Kettlebell recertification in September. I don’t have a ton of time, but I feel I have …
Month: June 2017
I get asked a lot about how I come up with things to blog about. It is a little strange. I have all these jumbled words in my head waiting to form some semblance of a sentence and then paragraphs and finally a blog post. I write in fragmented sentences. It’s just what I do. It’s how I talk. It’s my style. Sorry if it drives people crazy. Sometimes, I get inspiration from clients. Sometimes I get inspiration from something I see on social media. Sometimes, something just pops into my head and I type it in my notes app on my phone and then hope that I remember what the hell I was talking about when I go back to review. I have a long list of notes. The problem is when I am going back to start writing a post, there might be just four words or three or maybe just a phrase. For example, as I was going back today to look at my notes entries, I found one that said, “Do you live in fear?” I’m glad it triggered me into remembering what I wanted to write about, because sometimes it doesn’t. I hate when that happens.
Do you live in fear? What does that even mean? Do you know?
If you follow my blog you know that my last few blog posts have been about life and have had a lot of reflection going on. They have been pretty serious. This is a serious one too, but in a different way.
Living in fear. When I say living in fear, I mean living in fear of disease. Living in fear of dying. Living in fear of living. A lot of people are afraid to live, don’t you think? I sure do.
The more we fear, the more we make ourselves bat shit crazy. I think the last month or so, has been very sobering. I have written about young people having heart attacks and young people dying. I have written about dead people in cemeteries. It makes you take a look at your own life. Pretty soon the voice creeps in. You know which one I’m talking about. The asshole fear voice. We all have it inside of us. When we are feeling vulnerable, or scared or alone, it usually makes its appearance. So the voice starts in, making you wonder. Do I have cancer floating around in my body? I HAVE been soooooo tired lately. I HAVE been feeling weak. Or you wonder if that little twinge you feel in your chest means you are going to have a heart attack. You wonder if because you are eating crappy food you are going to make yourself sick. You wonder if you are going to get heart disease or cancer or any other lifestyle disease. It is so easy to become OCD about this. It is so easy to get hung up on this mentality. So many people do it. So many people can’t get away from it. It consumes them. Pretty soon, you don’t want to go play outside with the kids or grandkids. Pretty soon, you just want to hang out on the couch and watch TV. Pretty soon, you are afraid to do ANYTHING.
I think we have certain expectations of how we should be, of how we should feel, of how we want to be and of how we want to feel. When those expectations are not being met to our OCD standards, we freak out a little. It’s okay to a certain extent. But, when thoughts like that start consuming us all the time, we need to step back and reevaluate what is going on with our health. We need to check it and listen to our body. We need to separate fiction from reality. We need to know the damn difference. We need to take a little inventory. Stress much? Sleep much? Play much? Eat much? Work much?
Take a step back and do a little reality check with yourself. Find that positive voice. You know which one I’m talking about. The nice and friendly voice. The one that says, “Nice job on the eight hours of sleep last night.” Or, “Nice job relaxing after work today.” The one that says, “You rocked your eating today.” You know, the positive voice The one that likes you. The one that looks out for you. The voice we should be listening to 90 percent of the time.
We need to quit living in fear and quit being afraid to live our lives. Get out there and try something new. Get out there and enjoy your kids or grandkids. Get our there and live your life! We are all going to die sometime. Don’t live in fear. Fear is a liar.
It was hot. The wedding was at a farm near Clark, South Dakota, a special place for Ryan. It was a small wedding and the wrestling coach officiated. There was a mix of blended and unblended families. Ryan is our nephew. He grew up with …
Tomorrow is June 3rd. Tomorrow is the day my dad died. Tomorrow it will have been 17 years since he passed. Tomorrow will be a hard day. I have to say when I went to the cemetery today, and as I sat there listening to the wind chimes on the grave behind dad’s, I felt at peace. Usually when I go, I start crying right away and just am overcome with emotions. Today was different. I’m not sure why.
I have been reflecting a lot on life lately and how we live our lives. Am I really living my life? I found out this week that a classmate (Jans Melby) from high school has cancer and is dying. Gut punch. It doesn’t seem like any of us are old enough to die.
As I was sitting at the cemetery, I started looking around. For some reason I have always been intrigued with cemeteries. There is just something about them, other than the fact they are filled with dead people. It’s more than that. They are full of people. They are full of moms, dads, sisters, brothers, babies, aunts and uncles and grandparents. They are full of memories. They are full of life!
I got up and started walking around. I saw my classmate’s parents, Peter and Carole. I can remember them. I’m glad Jans will get to be with them soon.
I saw another classmate too. Bryan Pogany. So young. So sad.
Next, I saw my 7th grade Algebra teacher, Mr. Crance. His name was Baird, but I can’t think of a single one of us who would dare call him by his first name. He scared the shit out of all of us. He was not the most pleasant person in the world. Still, may he continue to rest in peace.
Then I saw a stone that said “Palmer” on the back of it. At first I thought it was Mr. Palmer, the owner of Sooper Dooper, the grocery store I worked at in high school. As I came around to the front, I realized it was not him, but it was Pat Palmer. I worked with her at Sooper Dooper. She was one of the morning ladies. One of the mainstays. One of the faces of the store. I can still see her going through all the candy at the front of the store and taking an inventory so she could put the next week’s order in. She was such a nice lady. I didn’t know her name was actually Pearl. Her stone had a picture of her on it. It was like I was right there talking to her at the store. Such a great memory. I can even hear her laugh.
About this time a worker came by in his pickup and he asked me if I needed help locating someone. I said no, I was just walking around looking at all the people I know. I said I was visiting my dad and just started wandering around. I thought it was nice of him to ask.
I found Dr. Zakahi next. He was my doctor when I was a kid. It was like he walked right up to me. I can see him in his gray pants and plaid shirt, black shoes and white doctor coat. I remember him always making us feel calm. A sweet, sweet man.
Then I found Danna Bren. I went to high school with Lloyd and Danna’s kids. I remember leaving study hall with Troy and going to his house with some other guys and playing basketball. I was always one of the guys. Not so much one of the girls. Definitely not a girly girl.
Up the hill a little I saw the “Adam” stone. Pat Adam. An amazing lady. I spent quite a bit of time at their house. Their daughter, Paula, was in my grade and my friend, Mary, and I hung out with Karl. So many memories of that family.
I found Shirley next. Shirley Raue. The legendary daycare in town. Everyone went to Shirley’s. I trusted her to raise my first three kids. She was the best babysitter. Hands down. Such a great influence on kids. She was amazing. A great, great lady.
I was wondering where to go next and something made me turn where I wasn’t going to. I looked up and saw the “Mayer” stone. Eugene Mayer was one of my bosses for my very first legal secretary job. He always wore a bow tie. I’m glad I took that turn. Lots of great memories working for that firm.
There was a lot of life in this cemetery visit. So many memories of so many great people. As I’m typing this, now the tears are flowing. As sad as it is to lose loved ones, it still makes me happy to know that I have a lot of special memories of life I have lived.
My dad ALWAYS said that at his funeral he wanted it to rain so that he would be the only dry one and everyone else would be wet. The day of his funeral we had record high temps. I know it was well over 100 and it seems like it was 112 or even hotter. He got his wish because when it came time to lay him to rest, everyone was drenched in sweat and he was the only dry one. As I got in my car to leave today, the temp read 100. I was sweating bad. I started laughing out loud, right along with him. Until next time, Dad.