hey fat ass

Hey, fat ass!

My in-my-own-head voice would look around to see who was talking. My in-my-own-head voice would berate me for being a fat ass. My in-my-own-head voice would call me that all the time. My in-my-own-head voice was an asshole.

If you have read my blog posts at all, you know I had some giant issues with body image and disordered eating. Some days I still struggle. I remember so many times feeling so much despair because I didn’t look the way I thought I should look. I didn’t look the way other people thought I should look. Giving a shit about what other people think of me kept me small. It kept me from having any confidence. It kept me from having any positive self-esteem. My self-worth was super low at that time.

I remember weighing myself every.single.day. I remember feeling so frustrated every.single.day. I remember feeling depressed every.single.day. I let the scale define me. I let the scale tell me what kind of mood I should be in every day. I let it control me. I let it.

I remember trying to camouflage my perceived fatness. I would use patterns that made me appear less fat. You know, the vertical stripes, never horizontal stripes. Black, because slimming. Baggy clothes because I thought they would make it look like I was losing weight or that I had lost weight. If the jeans felt big, I felt small. Hoodies, because they hid a lot. Ummmm, okay.

I never wanted to undress in front of anyone in gym class. Never. I always admired the ones who could just throw it off and not give a shit. I wanted to be like that. I wanted to feel okay about it. I wanted to feel comfortable. I wanted to.

Body image issues were pretty prevalent when I was in junior high and high school. I remember a friend in gymnastics who was anorexic. Her knees practically knocked together and the hair on her arms stood straight up. I bet she weighed 80 pounds and she still saw herself as fat. Another girl sat in class and would feel the side of her butt and thigh, feeling for the fat because she thought she was fat. So many others struggled with feeling like a fat ass. The pain of the fat ass syndrome – like stepping on legos.

Obviously, something triggered this blog post. I have been thinking about it and trying to figure out what it was. I have been struggling with pull-ups lately and have been working hard for the past 7 weeks and still haven’t gotten one. It has been extremely frustrating. I think the in-my-own-head voice is trying to convince me that it’s because I’m a fat ass. I broke my golden rule and have been weighing myself. That’s the first problem. The scale is a bitch and I’m not liking what she is saying. I’m not liking that number. My in-my-own-head voice is trying to creep back in and tell me how I should be thinking and feeling. It’s trying to.

I have been extremely frustrated with my progress. I have been extremely frustrated with my workouts. I need to pull myself up out of this hole (get it, pull up) and keep fighting. Not even the in-my-own-head-voice gets to tell me what I should weigh or how I should look. It does not get permission to do that. The inside-my-own-head voice is being a bully right now and I’m not going to continue to listen to it. I won’t.

The negative energy is being cleansed. I know when those negative thoughts start creeping back in to the in-my-own-head voice, it’s time to change my attitude and quit being so hard on myself. We all struggle. We all have things that are hard for us. I know when I finally get that pull-up, I will be grateful for the struggle. It has definitely made me stronger and more grateful.

Looking back at that those chapters of junior high and high school, I am grateful I had those struggles. The struggles and the inside-my-own-head voice have given me a unique perspective of which to get inside other people’s heads and try to change their in-my-own-head voices, so they can stop saying to themselves, “Hey fat ass!”

Can you be alone with yourself?

Do you ever just spend time by yourself. I mean completely by yourself. No noise. No distractions. No nothing.

Go ahead. Find a quiet place to relax. I’ll wait for you. Either your bedroom or another quiet place in your house will work. Turn off all the noise. Tune out all the noise. No TV. No music. No anything. Take some deep breaths. Let’s do five. Now you can either just hang out here or open your eyes and just be in a relaxed position. What is relaxed for you? For me it is lying down on my bed or even just sitting comfortably on the floor. Okay. You there?

Now, I want you to start thinking about how you feel. Think about how your body feels. Let’s do this for five minutes. Feel everything. Feel your feet and legs and hips and chest. Feel your arms and hands and head and neck. Feel uncomfortable yet? What are you noticing? Anything feel tight? Is it hard to relax? Quiet your mind. Count backwards from 100 if you need to in order to turn off the noise.

Next up, I want you to explore a little more. What emotions are you feeling? Do you feel content or irritated? Do you feel anxious or sad? This is the time to feel. This is the time to explore this stuff. There is no noise. There is just you and your thoughts. What are you thinking? When is the last time you did something like this? When is the last time you were completely alone with yourself? By completely alone I mean with absolutely no noise. Does the silence irritate you? Does it drive you nuts?

See, most of us can’t handle ourselves. We can’t handle being alone with ourselves because it makes us think. It makes us reflect. It makes us wonder about things.

Do you even like yourself? When we don’t have the outside distractions, it forces us to face ourselves. Sometimes it’s hard to like ourselves. Do you find that is the case?

In our everyday lives we create a billion different distractions so we don’t have to deal with ourselves. We are always busy with something. And, when we are alone, we have noise on, such as the radio or the TV or spotify or pandora.

We distract with noise. We distract with music. We distract with TV and we distract with our phones. We distract so we don’t have to deal. We don’t like to deal. It’s hard to deal.

I want you to deal. I want you to face yourself and deal. Relax and think about things as long as it takes for you to start dealing. Write down some goals. Make the goals financial goals. Make the goals fitness goals. Make the goals relationship goals. Make the goals life goals. Once you have done that, go find a mirror and look in it. Look at yourself without judgment. Look at yourself with confidence. Look at yourself. You are beautiful. You are competent. You are adequate. You are capable. You are enough.

I received a box in the mail with some essential oil perfume samples. The samples of the perfume oils are Vibrance, Love, Passion, Calm and Grounded. The quote on the outside of the box, interestingly enough, has everything to do with this post. Here is the quote:

Every move I make in this world is done with Vibrance. I am open to giving and receiving Love. My life is full of Passion. My thoughts are at ease and I am Calm. I speak my truth and I am Grounded.

I love that quote. Start practicing being alone with yourself. Take once a week or more and shut out the noise. Shut off the noise and learn about yourself. Don’t be afraid to like yourself.

Your Path. Your Rules. Your Pirate Map.

Your path. Your rules. Your pirate map.

What is your path? What are your rules? Are you just washing out of life and not living it?

What I mean here is your fitness and nutrition path. What does that path look like? What do your rules look like? What does your life look like?

Did you know that nobody can tell you how to walk your path? Nobody can tell you what kind of workout to do. I find it so interesting that people will say you need to do this or you need to eat this in order to lose weight or feel better.

The truth is, you just need to do something. It doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t have to start at A, take three steps to the left and land on B and then turn four circles until you stop at A again. Just kidding, but I think you know what I mean.

The most important thing is to find something you like and do it. If you don’t like to run and someone is trying to make you start running, well that’s never going to work for you. Walking 20 minutes a day is a great way to get moving. It is so good for you too.

Eating doesn’t have to be complicated either. Eat more protein and vegetables and you will be way better off in the long run. Drink more water and take some fish oil. Don’t overcomplicate your eating.

I was at my kettlebell recertification this weekend and the Master Instructor, Dan John, is definitely a master. He introduced us, or me anyway to pirate maps, which he discovered from Pat Flynn, who I religiously follow. I can’t believe I haven’t remembered Pat talking about this. I think it is a fantastic way to take the complicated things in life and make them simple. The pirate map. The pirate map is the easiest way to get from point A to point B, if you will.

So, if you want to make a pirate map or to do list or do this list for yourself regarding your fitness and nutrition, your pirate map might look something like this:

  1. Drink a glass of water upon waking.
  2. Eat protein at ever meal
  3. Eat two different vegetables at every meal
  4. Walk 20 minutes every day
  5. Strength train 3 times per week
  6. Meditate 5 minutes before bed
  7. Be in bed by 10 p.m. on weekdays

Simple things like this, simple habits like this make you better in the long run. Post your pirate map where you can see it every single day. All day. Every day.

What about a pirate map for life. Something like this perhaps:

  1. Be grateful
  2. Tell people who matter you love them
  3. Get rid of debt
  4. Don’t be afraid to struggle a little bit
  5. Be kind

So, you get the idea how these work. You could make a pirate map for anything in your life, such as financial goals, life goals, fitness goals and even relationship goals.

What will you put on your pirate map?

 

 

do you wonder?

Do you ever wonder about things? How far back can you remember actually wondering about things?

Can you go back to single digits? I think I can. I remember always wondering how I was going to climb the next tree. I remember trying to figure out which one had the best branches. I wondered how long it would take me to do double jumps. I wondered how many push ups I could do. I wondered. Is that considered wondering or is it considered something else?

Wondering means to think or speculate curiously. Oh yeah, that’s my jam. I wondered all the time as a little kid. I curiously wondered. I wondered curiously. Every day I did this. I think we all did. Then as we get a little older we wonder about different things. More grown up things. More things that may also be construed as worry. Still wondering curiously though.

I think in the single digits for most kids the wondering is pretty harmless and it is a curious wonderment. Like I said before, figuring out what tree had the best branches so it would be easier to climb. Super innocent.

As a tween or teenager, we start wondering about other things. We wonder if someone likes us. We wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are fat or skinny or if someone is going to talk to us or if we will be able to sit with people at lunch. We start wondering if we are going to get good grades. We wonder if we will get asked to the dance. We wonder if that certain boy likes us or is going to talk to us. We keep wondering.

Moving on up to high school I think those wonders are still there, but then we add more. We start to wonder where we will go to college. If we will go to college. We wonder how much money things are going to cost. We wonder if we will have good enough grades. But I can guarantee we still wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are fat and if people will like us. We wonder if we are good enough. We keep wondering.

Then we move into young adulthood and our wonders grow even bigger. We wonder if we will get married. We wonder if we will have kids. We wonder how many kids we will have. We wonder if our husband or wife is going to be nice to us. We wonder where we will live. We wonder if we will get a good job. We also still wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are good enough. We wonder if people will like us. We keep wondering.

The next step is an adult. More wonders. Now we wonder if we can pay the bills. We wonder when will be able to buy a house. We have kids and we wonder how they will do. We wonder if they will be good members of society. We still wonder if we are pretty. We wonder if the stretch marks and cellulite have ruined our bodies. We wonder if we are fat. We wonder if we are good enough. We keep wondering.

Where does this come from? Not the regular wondering, but the body image wondering and the being good enough wondering? We are being taught at a young age to think we are flawed, to think there is something wrong with us. We are taught that if we are “fat” we are ugly. We are taught that skinny is the best way to be. If you aren’t skinny you are ugly. If you have one ounce of fat on your body, you are ugly. If you don’t have perfect hair, or skin or teeth, you are ugly. Who started that shit? More importantly, why do we still need to wonder about this?

This past weekend I hosted my Body Image Without Prejudice Women’s Retreat, where over a dozen women came together to have a good time with good people, good workouts, good presenters and good food. We talked about body image, overall health, mental health and grief. We talked about a lot of things. This was a place where nobody was judged. We didn’t have to wonder if we were good enough. We didn’t have to wonder if we were ugly or fat. We didn’t have to wonder if anyone was going to like us. We didn’t have to wonder.

I think this is a super important issue among women. The sooner we can quit wondering about this stuff, the more we are NOT passing these wonders onto our daughters. Our daughters are beautiful. We are beautiful. We shouldn’t have to wonder about that.

hold yourself accountable

Has this ever happened to you? You are bouncing along in life, not quite happy with how you look. You think if only I could lose ten pounds I would be good. Or, you’re not quite sure you like how your legs look. You think if I could just change the shape a little bit I would be good. Or, you think if I could just tighten up my butt a little I would be good. Oh, and what about that armpit fat. If I could get rid of that I would be good. A new diet comes along and you think, hmmm, maybe this is the thing that will help me lose the ten pound and then I’ll be good. You feel like you see the light at the end of that tunnel of darkness. If I could just…

It doesn’t really work that way though. Let’s say you lose ten pounds. Are you going to be happy? What’s the next thing? If I could lose 5 more pounds I would be good. If that little bit of armpit fat was gone I would be good. You know what? That’s pretty much bullshit. Until you figure out down deep in your core, in the nuts and bolts of your being, none of that stuff is going to make you happy. News flash: there is always going to be something about yourself you don’t like, which is sad. The sooner you start accepting yourself for what you are and realize you are the only one who can examine, the only one who can dig, the only one who can root around, and the only one who can make that change, the better off you will be. Nobody else can do it for you. Until you realize that and realize the why behind it you will always be looking and searching for the next thing. You will be continually searching for the one thing that you think is going to do it for you, but in reality it’s you. You have held the key to that lock all along. We need to start accepting our bodies and stop hating our bodies. Don’t confuse your body image with your self image. Just because your body doesn’t look the way you want it to right now, does that make you a bad person? Hell no! If you don’t like the direction things are going, pivot. Try something else. Get your head right.

Take responsibility. Hold yourself accountable. You are the only one who can make yourself change. No diet, no new gadget, no new workout DVD is going to do that for you. Only you can do that for you. You are the only one who can truly make yourself happier with how you look. It can take a lot of work to change those thoughts. It can take a lot of work to change period. Once you figure yourself out on the inside the outside is going to change.

I saw this quote the other day and I think it is absolutely amazing and so true: “Value aesthetics over health and you end up with neither. Value health over aesthetics and you end up with a high degree of both.” This is so relevant. It’s so important for not only women, but everyone to change their way of thinking when it comes to their bodies. Get it figured out on the inside and the outside will come around. Your self worth does not depend on how your body looks. Period.

information overload

Drink this, not that. Eat this, not that. Low carb. No carb. High fat. Low fat. Sugar is the devil. Why you should eat sugar. CrossFit will kill you. Kettlebells are the only way to go. HIIT is the new thing. Do it every single day and you will look amazing. Lose 10 pounds in a week. Do this to debloat. Before and after pictures are fun. Before picture: looking sad and pasty white. After picture: looking happy and beautifully tan. WTF???!!!

There is so much information out there. How do you know what to do. How do you know it’s legit. How? It can be so overwhelming, especially when someone is new to the fitness game. When there is so much information, shut down occurs. Who the hell cares occurs. Screw this crap occurs. You end up doing nothing and feeling completely frustrated.

There are so many things. So many products. So many workouts. So many programs. So much information. How do you choose? How are you even supposed to choose? How do you even start? Where do you even start?

Take a look at the fitness magazines. They usually come out monthly and if you start paying attention, the information is just recycled month after month, but said in a slightly different way. Some of the cover headlines are just as confusing—build your best booty, 18 minute fat blast, 12 workouts that burn 500 calories, get lean faster, sexy legs now, strong and lean, 6 supplements to build muscle, burn fat and fight aging. Blast fat with a barbell. Transform your body. That is just two different magazines. Information overload for sure.

The thing that is so interesting about this is that these things are never individualized. It’s all cookie cutter stuff. It’s all the same. The thing is through, every single person is different. Their bodies respond differently to different things. What works for one person might not work at all for another person.

What’s the solution? Wondering where to start?

Start small. Quiet the noise. Filter it out. Try a fitness class. Try ONE of the programs in the magazine or get a trainer. See if you like it. Consistency is key and so is liking what you are doing. If you absolutely hate running, why the hell are you out running? On the other hand, if you like kettlebells and you can get one hell of a cardio blast from kettlebells, do kettlebells. It may take some trial and error to find what you like, but that’s the beauty in it. Even though there is so much information out there, it can be kind of fun deciphering it and also learning new things.

The same goes for eating. You know that if you are eating fast food and donuts and candy every day, you are not going to look your best and more importantly, you are not going to feel your best. Don’t pretend you don’t know that stuff isn’t good for you. And for crying out loud, quit supersizing everything. Control your portion sizes. Control what you put in your mouth. If you are trying to eat better, a good thing to do is to add more vegetables for starters. Keep your rice or noodles or bread if you want, but try cutting your normal portion in halves or thirds. Eat your meat and eat some fat. That will get you going on the right track. Experiment with things and listen to your body to see how you feel after eating them.

Do your own trial run. What have you got to lose? Because life is trial and error. There is no clear-cut path. Do what works best for YOU.

why didn’t you get the buns?

He asked, “Why didn’t you get buns?” “I don’t know,” she answered. “You went out specifically to get buns,” he said. “I know. I changed my mind,” she said.

You see, she was going to the store specifically to get buns for supper. She went out of the house not really thinking about how she looked. When she got to the store, she realized she had on shorts. She felt fat. Her legs looked gross. She didn’t want to go in the store. She sat in the car and struggled with herself. Talking to herself. Telling herself she looked disgusting and then telling herself she looked fine, but still not being able to make herself go into the store. Back and forth. Back and forth. She came home instead.

This used to be me. Maybe not buns, but that doesn’t matter and that isn’t the point. I would be out and about and then decide to run to the store to pick up some things. I then realized I had on shorts. Big deal, right? It is a big deal to someone who is not comfortable with their body, or not comfortable with how they look. They see every single flaw in their bodies. They see every single chunk of fat. They see every single dimple of cellulite. They see everything wrong and nothing right. The wheels are falling off and nothing seems to get you out of the hole. No matter how many times someone tells you that you look good, you don’t believe them. The windows are so far down, you don’t know if they’ll ever roll back up.

It’s crazy how we get so caught up in how we look. It shouldn’t really matter how we look. I realize everyone wants to look good. I want to look good too. The line is crossed though when there is a right way or a wrong way to look. Everyone is totally different, and how cool is that? How can society, or anyone else for that matter, decide what is good and what is bad? It should not be that way. We need to stand up for ourselves. Perception is a choice. Being healthy is a choice. We get a choice in how we look. We get a choice in being healthy. Key word is choice. The ball is bounced to you. It’s up to you.

Negative body image and crappy self-esteem can take a long time to work through. Just know this, once you realize what is going on and once you start to figure this out, you need to own it. Once you own it, you can then begin to take the steps to work through it. Realize it’s your choice. Once you start that mental toughness of not caring what other people think of you, because really, you are the only one who should care about what you look like, then things start to change. Things start to feel different. You start to feel better about yourself. You start to toughen up. Beauty isn’t just on the outside. Everyone is their own kind of beautiful. Own it.

You have to search for it though. Find your nuts and bolts, find your center, find your core. Only then can you begin to get past the insecurities that haunt you. The insecurities that jump on you and don’t let you see the real you. When we are constantly telling ourselves negative things, well guess what? We start to believe them. We start to believe we look fat. We start to believe we look terrible. We get a shift in our mindset. We start to feel self-conscious. Make the decision to change. Make the choice to change. It does not happen overnight. It takes time. Get yourself settled in and get some popcorn for the movie. This is going to take a while. Don’t give up on yourself though, you are definitely worth it.

There is beauty in toughness
There is beauty in confidence
There is beauty in owning your shit
There is beauty in figuring this out
There is beauty in not giving a fuck about what other people think
There is beauty in feeling top shelf about yourself.

So go get those damn buns and go get them while wearing shorts.

Body Image Without Prejudice

Do you train for looks or do you train for health? Is there anything wrong with either?
I know I will never be skinny. I’m not built that way, nor would I want to be. I actually really like my muscles. I worked my ass off for them. I started weight training when I was 12 years old. But, sometimes it can be a little frustrating. I want to look different – for me – not for anyone else. My husband always tells me he wouldn’t care what I looked like. Thanks sweetie. He really is the best. But for me, I would like to have a little less bodyfat and be a little more defined. At the same time, am I willing to put in the work it takes to get that way? Do I feel like it right now? Do I want to change my eating habits and workout habits right now? Not sure. I mean yeah, it would be nice for it just to happen. I struggle, just like you guys do. I would love a magic pill too. Wouldn’t that be awesome? For right now, though, at this very moment, I am perfectly fine with how I look. Body image without prejudice.

But at the same time just because I am okay with how I look and I accept myself, that doesn’t give me a free pass to do nothing! Can you imagine? I cannot imagine what would happen if I did nothing. Meaning if I didn’t exercise at all and just ate whatever I wanted. There has to be some restriction. There has to be some control. There has to be some discipline. I would love to be able to do that, but that is never going to happen.

So there is the notion that right now, even though I am not willing to put in the work to change the way I look, I know I am healthy otherwise. I sleep well, I eat well, and I workout well. So what’s the deal then? Why can’t I have that aesthetic body right now? The same reason why you can’t…

I don’t want it bad enough right now and I am not willing to put in the work…yet. I will get there. Just like everyone else, I have to get to the point. I can’t just be like okay, today’s the day. I have to get in that mindset where I are willing to do the work to change. Same mindset when you get a new program and get motivated to start. That’s what I’m talking about. And then, though, the most important part to me— I really do say it all the time—CONSISTENCY. That’s it. I’m not being as consistent as I should be in order for my appearance to change. It’s nutrition for me. I know I don’t get enough protein and I know I don’t eat enough. Even though I am eating quality food 90 percent of the time, I am not getting enough. My workouts are consistent, but my nutrition is not. That’s the difference between healthy and aesthetic. I get closer to it every day though. I am a constant work in progress. And, I’m fine with that. Body image without prejudice. Ruminate on that a little bit.

Vegetables suck (for some people)

What do you do if you don’t like vegetables?

Really? This is a real thing? I love vegetables and I feel bad for people who don’t.
You know they are good for you and you want to be able to eat them, but you just can’t force yourself. It may be a texture issue. It may be they just taste like crap to you. No matter what you do to them or put on them they still taste gross. They may even taste bitter.

Strange, but true. Broccoli may taste like stinky socks and green peppers may taste like turpentine. Not that you have eaten stinky socks or turpentine, but it is the old, it tastes like the smell of _____, thing. Right. This is a real thing. I remember as a kid trying to explain this to my parents and they would always look at me like I was crazy. It’s the chemical compounds in these vegetables that makes this happen. How weird and fascinating is that?

So how do we learn to like them, or get the benefits from them if we don’t eat them? Vegetables are super good for us. They are full of good stuff. They have a lot of volume, so you get fuller without adding a crap ton of calories. Not a bad deal at all. This helps you maintain a healthy body weight or lose body fat. Eat up, right? But again, what if you just don’t like them?

Something interesting that I have read in my PN literature is that our genetic makeup can affect our taste for vegetables. Some people are super sensitive to strong flavors and therefore foods that taste “normal” to some of us, taste overwhelmingly bitter to them. Isn’t that interesting? So they are really sensitive to foods with strong flavors, such as hot, sweet and bitter. They have sensitive taste buds. I vaguely remember doing some kind of taste test strips in grade school science regarding this very thing. I’m pretty sure it tasted fine to me. But I do remember kids saying it tasted terrible and was really bitter.

It can also depend on how you grew up. If you weren’t exposed to a lot of vegetables, you might not like them or care if you eat them. What about how they were cooked? Mushy brussels sprouts anyone? I can’t believe we survived. I love Brussels sprouts now. I hated the mushiness of them then.

But guess what? We can make some changes to our flavor preferences and learn to like vegetables. There are 3 steps you can take to start changing the way you feel about your vegetables.

Challenge yourself – get ready, find a bitter food that you normally will not eat. Put on your big girl or big boy pants and try it. You might hate it, but you might not.
Next find some flavors you like – think spices, such as garlic or different kinds of pepper; or salty, such as vinegars or lemon and lime juices; and finally sour, such as mustard, olives, salt, cheeses.
You can then try buffering the vegetables with some yummy sweetness, such as berries, maple syrup or honey. Orrrrrrr the yummiest fats, such as avocado, butter or bacon. Can you say green beans with onion and bacon. Yum!! Sign me up. Those flavors together…you can’t go wrong.

Then decide how to cook them or leave them raw. Before you know it, you will be on your way to LOVING vegetables (Heidi).  Explore, experiment and discover what tastes good to you.

Check out the super informative comprehensive graphic to help you with your journey towards loving vegetables. It’s awesome! Click on “veggies” below.

veggies

 

how far into the rabbit hole are you?

 

How far into the rabbit hole are you?

Do you ever feel like life just sucks and you can’t squeeze out one more drop of positivity or motivation? Have you started eating crap and skipping your workouts? Are you an emotional wreck to the point it is starting to affect all aspects of your life?

You can’t focus at work and you really don’t care. You have no energy and you are tired ALL.THE.TIME!! You eat whatever you want, no matter what it is. You may have joint pain or other aches and pains. Pretty soon your leggings are your dress pants or you’ve graduated to the Duluth Trading Company’s ballroom jeans, because nothing else fits.

The first thing you do when you get up is dive face first into crap food because it makes you feel better. Triple caramel breve with whip cream anyone? (Breve is the one made with all half and half, in case you didn’t know). The last thing you do at night is have just “one more.” You know what I’m talking about. It’s not one more glass of water.

Is this your rabbit hole?

I was talking to a friend today and that is exactly what she has been feeling. It is super hard to climb out of that hole when everything seems to be going against you. I remember feeling that way after getting divorced many, many years ago. Luckily I found John and we have been together almost 20 years. Life knocks us off our feet and it’s hard to get back up. Because why should we? Well, because that’s life. Life’s lessons.

I do remember though how hard it was to get up each day and take care of my kids and make sure they were okay. I remember many times I didn’t want to get out of bed. I remember thinking that things would never get better and that I was going to feel stuck forever. I remember trying to control everything and could control nothing. I remember using alcohol and food and oh my God, shopping, to numb my feelings. I wanted to just forget everything.

In all honesty, I still have a hard time to this day. I still feel guilty for seemingly wrecking my kids’ lives. That’s another post for another day. Maybe never. That’s a chapter I’m not sure I want anyone to read.

Buuuut, how do we move on? How do we get our shit together? Well, guess what? First of all, you need to take responsibility and quit lying to yourself about what is going on in your life. Own your shit.

Second, make yourself a priority. It may seem selfish, but if you don’t, you won’t change. You need to take care of yourself first or you will never be able to take care of anyone else. Think about this, if you are eating shit and drinking all the time, no doubt you aren’t going to be very healthy. You will probably start to get sick and then you will lose work time, you will lose workout time, you will lose family time, you will lose time!

Finally, make a plan and stick with it. More on that below.

This is one can you do not want to kick down the street. In order to get your life back and start climbing out of that rabbit hole try implementing these 5 tips on how to do YOU:
1. Decide, and take responsibility — you have to decide you are ready to change. Nobody can do that for you. And again, own your shit. No excuses.

2. Commit and don’t back down – Commit to working on yourself and stay focused.

3. Show up EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Again, no excuses. Work on yourself every day.

4. Be consistent. If you know me at all, you know I totally believe in being consistent. It is a life changer.

5. Realize it will be hard. Nothing good is easy, and nothing easy is good.
But most of all, always remember you are human, you are not broken, so start the climb out of that rabbit hole.

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