do you wonder?

Do you ever wonder about things? How far back can you remember actually wondering about things?

Can you go back to single digits? I think I can. I remember always wondering how I was going to climb the next tree. I remember trying to figure out which one had the best branches. I wondered how long it would take me to do double jumps. I wondered how many push ups I could do. I wondered. Is that considered wondering or is it considered something else?

Wondering means to think or speculate curiously. Oh yeah, that’s my jam. I wondered all the time as a little kid. I curiously wondered. I wondered curiously. Every day I did this. I think we all did. Then as we get a little older we wonder about different things. More grown up things. More things that may also be construed as worry. Still wondering curiously though.

I think in the single digits for most kids the wondering is pretty harmless and it is a curious wonderment. Like I said before, figuring out what tree had the best branches so it would be easier to climb. Super innocent.

As a tween or teenager, we start wondering about other things. We wonder if someone likes us. We wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are fat or skinny or if someone is going to talk to us or if we will be able to sit with people at lunch. We start wondering if we are going to get good grades. We wonder if we will get asked to the dance. We wonder if that certain boy likes us or is going to talk to us. We keep wondering.

Moving on up to high school I think those wonders are still there, but then we add more. We start to wonder where we will go to college. If we will go to college. We wonder how much money things are going to cost. We wonder if we will have good enough grades. But I can guarantee we still wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are fat and if people will like us. We wonder if we are good enough. We keep wondering.

Then we move into young adulthood and our wonders grow even bigger. We wonder if we will get married. We wonder if we will have kids. We wonder how many kids we will have. We wonder if our husband or wife is going to be nice to us. We wonder where we will live. We wonder if we will get a good job. We also still wonder if we are pretty enough. We wonder if we are good enough. We wonder if people will like us. We keep wondering.

The next step is an adult. More wonders. Now we wonder if we can pay the bills. We wonder when will be able to buy a house. We have kids and we wonder how they will do. We wonder if they will be good members of society. We still wonder if we are pretty. We wonder if the stretch marks and cellulite have ruined our bodies. We wonder if we are fat. We wonder if we are good enough. We keep wondering.

Where does this come from? Not the regular wondering, but the body image wondering and the being good enough wondering? We are being taught at a young age to think we are flawed, to think there is something wrong with us. We are taught that if we are “fat” we are ugly. We are taught that skinny is the best way to be. If you aren’t skinny you are ugly. If you have one ounce of fat on your body, you are ugly. If you don’t have perfect hair, or skin or teeth, you are ugly. Who started that shit? More importantly, why do we still need to wonder about this?

This past weekend I hosted my Body Image Without Prejudice Women’s Retreat, where over a dozen women came together to have a good time with good people, good workouts, good presenters and good food. We talked about body image, overall health, mental health and grief. We talked about a lot of things. This was a place where nobody was judged. We didn’t have to wonder if we were good enough. We didn’t have to wonder if we were ugly or fat. We didn’t have to wonder if anyone was going to like us. We didn’t have to wonder.

I think this is a super important issue among women. The sooner we can quit wondering about this stuff, the more we are NOT passing these wonders onto our daughters. Our daughters are beautiful. We are beautiful. We shouldn’t have to wonder about that.