Menopause Is Not Your Entire Personality…But It’s Easy to Think It Is

Before anyone comes for me over the terminology, I know some of the words I use here may not be the most clinically precise. I have a menopause certification. I know the proper terminology. I am using the language I hear from women every day because that is how they talk about what they are experiencing.

Now that we have that out of the way…

Menopause is weird.

One day you are living your life like a reasonably stable human being, and the next day the sound of a spoon scraping the side of a bowl makes you consider whether prison might actually be peaceful.

My husband is lucky to be alive.

The way he sets down his cup.

The way he chews.

The way he clanks the spoon around the bowl like he is mining for gold.

And my personal favorite, the way he stirs his water flavoring in a glass jar full of ice cubes.

GAWD.

Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink.

Sir.

You are in danger. I say this with humor. But, if you know, you know.

Then there are the chin hairs.

Not a cute little peach fuzz situation. I am talking about one aggressive hair that appears overnight and somehow grows to the length of a fishing line before you notice it.

And you usually notice it in the car, in direct sunlight.

Yeah.

You can’t find your reading glasses, but you can feel that chin hair from across the room.

Your body temperature has also apparently lost all ability to regulate itself.

You are freezing.

Then sweating.

Then freezing because you were sweating.

You kick the blankets off, pull them back on, take your pajamas off, put different pajamas on and spend the night wondering how your husband can sleep so peacefully while breathing that loudly.

Menopause is real.

Perimenopause is real.

The sleep disruption, mood changes, fatigue, body composition changes, brain fog and general desire to tell everyone to shut the fuck up are real.

But menopause cannot become your entire identity.

In this fucking monetization plot called menopause, menopause became the new favorite excuse for why women can’t lose weight, build muscle, feel better or change their habits. You are being targeted ladies.

It explains some things.

It does not excuse everything.

It cannot become the answer to every question.

Why aren’t you exercising?

Menopause.

Why aren’t you eating in a way that supports your goals?

Menopause.

Why have you stopped trying?

Menopause.

Why are you standing in the kitchen eating cereal directly from the box while glaring at your husband?

Okay, that one might actually be menopause. LOL

But don’t forget, you still have choices.

That is the part people do not always want to hear.

Your body may respond differently than it did ten or twenty years ago. Your recovery may require more attention (definitely me). Your sleep may need more protection (also me). You should be lifting weights instead of relying on endless cardio. You may need to eat more protein, manage your stress and stop pretending four hours of sleep and two glasses of wine are a recovery plan.

I honestly cannot imagine what this stage of life would feel like if I were still drinking.

Alcohol already messed with my sleep, recovery, energy and patience. Add menopause to that mix?

Jesus.

It would have poured gasoline on symptoms I was already trying to manage. Not fun at all.

And that is another thing we do not always want to talk about. We blame menopause for how terrible we feel while continuing to do the things that make those symptoms worse. Make it make sense.

Menopause may be part of the problem.

It may not be the whole problem.

You may have to change your approach.

In fact, you probably do need to change your approach.

That does not mean you are incapable of changing.

There is a huge difference between saying, “This is harder now,” and saying, “This is impossible for me.”

Harder is information.

But impossible is an identity.

Once you decide menopause is the reason you can’t lose weight, get stronger, improve your energy or feel better in your body, you stop looking for what you can control and you start searching for the quick fix. Newsflash, the quick fix is still bullshit, even with menopause.

But, you can control more than you think.

You stop experimenting.

You stop adjusting.

You stop taking action because you have already decided the outcome.

And listen, menopause already takes enough from us.

Our sleep.

Our patience.

Our ability to tolerate loud chewing.

We do not need to let it take our sense of control too.

You are still capable of building muscle and improving your health.

You are still capable of changing your habits, becoming stronger, more confident and more comfortable in your body.

It may require more patience than you would prefer.

It may require you to stop chasing the exact body you had at 35.

That dream needs to die.

Our bodies change. They are supposed to change. That does not mean they are ruined, and it does not mean there is nothing we can do with them now.

You are not supposed to have the exact same body forever anyway. Get over that idea that you should.

You are allowed to want change, but you also have to work with the body you have now instead of constantly punishing it for changing.

But you can change.

Menopause is part of your life.

It is not your whole personality.

You are a woman going through menopause.

You are not Menopause wearing stretchy pants and carrying tweezers.

So pluck the chin hair, turn down the thermostat and busy some earplugs.

Ask your husband to stop stirring his drink like he is performing a science experiment.

Take an honest look at the habits that might be making everything feel worse.

And then get back to the work of taking care of yourself.

Because you fucking can.