There Is No Wagon


I have to admit that I have tried so many different ways of eating. I wanted the quick fix. I wanted to feel fabulous in 10 days, or 30 days or however many days. I wanted to just make that fucking change to start the ball rolling. Who doesn’t feel that way? I tried so hard I developed an eating disorder because of it and a few other factors. Enter high school gymnastics…

I can remember being in high school and I had a gymnastics coach who wanted me to lose weight. He wanted me to lose 10 pounds. At that time I weighed 116 pounds. I remember feeling so shitty and so defeated and most of all I felt like a big fat cow (even though I wasn’t). Bulimia became my thing. I was really good at it. Want to know what foods come up easier? I can tell you. Want to know which ones don’t? I can tell you that too. t lasted for about 3 or 4 years. For some reason I just stopped. I honestly think I was tired of hiding it. Tired of eating a ton of food and then trying to find a place to throw up. Being ashamed and just wanting to feel healthy and not tired and run down. I wanted to be normal. It is a scary and powerful disorder. Once in a while though, and I mean once in a while, like maybe one or two times a year, if I have been overeating, that dark place in my mind, that asshole called doubt comes creeping in and tries to tell me to just get rid of that food. I don’t let it control me. I move on. Sometimes that is a hard thing to do. I have grown a ton and I do know that would be the worst thing I could do for my health, so I move on. I think to this day, however, I still have some body image issues, but I will say I am pretty happy with how I look. I also have a pretty healthy relationship with food now. I am super strong and I have muscles. I will never be skinny. I’m not built that way. I have super strong shoulders and legs. I actually like my body type. My body functions well and I love that.

You don’t have to eat perfectly. You don’t have to be perfect. Perfect is, well, perfectly stupid. NOBODY is perfect. You need to quit telling yourself that you will start Monday or when you get back from vacation. Stop putting it off. If you don’t just start, you will never see the changes you are trying to implement.

Strop striving for perfection. Guess what? You can mess up and keep going. You didn’t fall off the wagon. THERE IS NO FUCKING WAGON!! You don’t have to face plant into crap food for weeks, because you messed up. Start slow and start forming habits that will stay with you the rest of your life.

Wondering where to start? My answer: you just fucking start. You do, however, have to be ready. So how do you know if you’re ready? Trust me, you know. Don’t fool yourself and make excuses. Pants too damn tight? Tired of feeling sick and tired? Feel like a fricking bloated whale? Does your skin look like shit? Is your sleep crappy? Feel like a failure? Sound familiar? See, you do know.

I say it all the time, consistency will get you where you want to be. And after all, how do you think habits form? Yep, with consistency.

My style of eating is not a quick fix. It’s not a challenge. I try to stay consistent with my eating habits and try not to overindulge. Don’t get me wrong, I do indulge, but I keep it in check. Thinking more gray and less extreme AND eating slowly has been a game changer for me.

Try it some time and let me know how it works for you.

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